“The stories people tell have a way of taking care of them. If stories come to you, care for them. And learn to give them away where they are needed. Sometimes a person needs a story more than food to stay alive” (Badger in Crow and Weasel by Barry Lopez, p. 60).
The fabric of my calling is much like a quilt of stories. Here is some of what the Lord has stitched together.
Calling is a relational thing.
Receiving and heeding a calling grows in the soil of a relationship. What do I know about the Caller? The Caller’s character, nature, intentions, ways and means? Can the Caller be heard? Be trusted? Here is how I came to “Yes, he can.”
My parents’ divorce followed a separation of over three years and was in the background of my college experience at Ouachita Baptist University. I struggled to navigate tricky waters by striving to maintain relationships with both my Mom and my Pop and by doing whatever I sensed would please God.
During this time, there was a popular teaching in Christian circles that the God-pleasing family was, at its core, based on a clear chain of command. I wondered if I discovered how to obey both of my parents, would the Lord use that dynamic to heal and restore my broken family? That raised many questions and created a lot of angst for me.
I wondered how this could be done. I fidgeted with this seemingly unsolvable issue relentlessly. What could I do?
During this time, I read C. S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed, the book he wrote following the death of his beloved wife, Joy Davidman. He described his experience when it seemed like his “house of faith” collapsed at one blow, struck by the suffering of grief.
Lewis perceived God had not been experimenting with Lewis’s faith to test its durability; God already knew that. It was Lewis who didn’t know. He realized his faith was a “house of cards” that needed to be knocked down in order to be rebuilt with stronger material.
He took his questions to God, receiving no specific answers, but a response like: “Peace, child; you don’t understand.” Lewis wonders if some of our present questions are unanswerable for now.
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What I most needed to know
I had expended myself on trying to figure out what would not yield to “solving:” this conundrum about my family. Lewis’ reflections invited me to shift directions, moving from questions to affirmations.
So, I took our dachshund Trixie for a walk, determined to consider only the things I was convinced of about God. On what things was I willing to stake my life?
I believed:
- God is real.
- God is personal, able to know and be known, and God wants and is able to have a relationship with me.
- Jesus is also real, a person whose life, death, and resurrection has everything to do with redeeming the world. He is knowable and followable.
- God had things in mind for my life, and he could lead me into those things.
This short list of things I believed formed the foundation of my confidence in God. I was convinced God can be trusted. My heart was settled as I walked Trixie home. This was not all I wanted to know, but it was what I most needed to know.
He, the Caller, is the core, compass, and foundation of all else. Can he speak to me? Steer me? Can he make himself understood? Yes. This is what I most needed to know.
The core of the calling
The core calling of the Lord on my life is Jesus’ invitation said to all disciples made personal in my life: Deny yourself; accept an agenda you did not choose. Take up your cross daily; practice radical obedience (Philippians 2:8). Follow me; practice the overall manner of my life.
Some of the threads the Lord has used to stitch my story include:
• Stay close to Jesus. The presence of the Guide is better than the best map.
My experience is he most often gives light only for the next step. I may not know where I am going, yet I might look back and see my path was really a straight line.
• Trust the presence, work, and guidance of God in the doing of the present necessities. Jim Elliot wrote in his journal, “Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.”
I trust the seeds for tomorrow’s guidance are planted in the soil of today’s obedience. This often involves the spiritual discipline of faithfulness in small things.
• Cultivate closeness with the Shepherd who speaks fluent “sheep.” “Trust and obey” is the clearest compelling calling in my life. Regular “ear training” happens in my daily, mostly ordinary life as I nurture trust in the Lord.
I ask, “Is there something God has already put in front of me where the issue is no longer discernment, but obedience?” (Ann Bradshaw) Often calling becomes clearer as I simply take the next reasonable step.
The impact of others
I thank the Lord for the role others have played in how he has clarified calling for me. Guidance has often come when I was not actively seeking it. What powerful potential there is in a timely question! Such “gifts” of others have sometimes helped me turn a corner or turn a page.
I was in casual conversation with a high school friend about our future plans. I shared where I thought I would go to college. She said, “I suppose you have prayed about that.” Well, no, I hadn’t. I didn’t know to do such things. So, I prayed, and the Lord led me to a life-giving home away from home.
My campus minister saw me at my mailbox in the student center and asked me what I was doing that summer. I was surprised to be asked and said I didn’t know. He challenged me to consider summer missions. Which I did and served in Germany that summer. My heart awoke to serving beyond my home culture.
My seminary professor, Dr. W.F. Howard, required students to complete a questionnaire about themselves and then to meet with him for a brief appointment. When he looked over my interests and experiences, he asked if I had ever considered campus ministry. I hadn’t, but I did and then served on campuses for decades.
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At the end of an especially meaningful Easter, I stepped out under the stars, and asked the Lord, “What more of me do you want?”
Response? “I want all of you.”
Oh, yes. So, he does. He says, “Mine,” over all that I am. And he blessedly offers what I most need—himself.
Shawn Shannon is minister of spiritual formation at Tallowood Baptist Church in Houston. The views expressed in this opinion article are those of the author.
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