“I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips” (Psalm 34: 1, NIV).
Merriam-Webster defines the word “stutter” as: “to speak with involuntary disruption or blocking of speech (as by repetition or prolongation of vocal sounds).”
I grew up as a missionary kid with the International Mission Board in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and learned how to speak in both English and Spanish simultaneously. Sometimes I mixed the two languages and spoke Spanglish.
It’s hard to remember exactly when I began to stutter, but unexpectedly, it created many different challenges for me in school, at church, and being out in public. My older brother and twin sister spoke very clearly in both languages, and I depended on them frequently to speak for me in various situations.
As a young child I remember praying: “Why me, God? Why do I have to stutter?”
Before I knew it, speaking became one of my greatest insecurities and thorn in my flesh.
An early start
Music ministry began early for me, as I was a part of my parents’ ministry in Argentina, which was always centered around music and worship.
I knew being called to music ministry would have its challenges. In fact, it terrified me.
As a 22-year-old, I had not yet felt comfortable praying out loud in front of people or with anyone. I remember feeling frustration and struggling with the idea of God calling me into the music ministry. Doubt and fear took over me, and I wasn’t letting the Lord use me as an instrument for his kingdom. I found myself again asking, “Why me, God?”
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An awkward start
A few years later, I began my journey into full-time ministry as a worship pastor. The very first Sunday morning leading worship, I thought everything was going smoothly until I started speaking.
“Let’s continue to worship the Lord as we focus on his love for us” is what I had planned to say. The words that awkwardly came out of my mouth went something like this: “L-l-l-let’s c-c-continue to w-w-worship the Lord as we f-f-f-f-focus on his love f-f-f-for us.”
I felt humiliated, and inadequate, and I remember seeing several young adult students laughing. Not the greatest way for me to start. Yet, I persevered and continued.
A new start
I always thought God had a sense of humor for calling me into the music ministry.
“Why me, God?” Again, I found myself asking the same question—over and over again.
It wasn’t until I attended a men’s retreat and met a fellow stutterer in the ministry, Neal Jeffrey, where I discovered I wasn’t alone with this struggle. Neal shared his journey as a stutterer, and though it came with challenges and frustrations, God was still able to use him as a preacher sharing the message and love of God to others.
I finally accepted myself as a stutterer, and no matter what, I wanted to serve the Lord with my whole heart.
Called in weakness
Moses told the Lord he was slow of speech and tongue (Exodus 4:10). He felt inadequate. Yet, God used him in a mighty way.
Sometimes, I stumble—quite literally—over my words, but by God’s grace, his message still shines through. When you sing or play an instrument, you don’t stutter.
God equips those he calls. It took me several years into my adult life to realize and accept God’s plan for my life as a worship leader. Many times, we feel inadequate like Moses did. Maybe it’s not stuttering like I have experienced, but something completely different.
I love Psalm 34:1, because it constantly reminds me, no matter my insecurities and doubts, God gave me a musical gift to praise his name and lead others in worship.
The lyrics to one of my favorite worship songs say: “I am who You say I am. … I’m a child of God, yes, I am!”
I have now been in full-time worship ministry for 19 years, and as I have grown in the ministry, God has given me the courage to let his voice be heard not just in song, but through my speech also. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
Has there ever been a time when you doubted your ability, but God used you anyway?
Why do you think God calls us to serve him even in our weakness?
Though you may have doubts and fears, God has given you everything you need. Trust in him, step out in faith, and God will use you in a mighty way.
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