WHEATON, Ill. (RNS)—For popular Bible teacher Beth Moore, the church always has been a safe harbor. That especially was true when she was growing up. Church was a place where she could escape from the sexual abuse she experienced at home, she said.

“I’ve seen glimpses with my own eyes what a church can do for victims of sexual abuse and assault. I am a survivor,” Moore said.

Moore was a featured speaker at a one-day summit on sexual abuse and harassment Dec. 13 at Wheaton College in suburban Chicago—and one of many who described their own experiences of abuse and harassment.

Some shared their stories of sexual abuse for the first time, including bestselling Christian author and pastor Max Lucado and child advocate Kelly Rosati.

‘Amplify a conversation others have started’

“We’re trying to help amplify a conversation others have started,” said Ed Stetzer, executive director of the Billy Graham Center at Wheaton, which organized the summit.

Evangelicals have not always done a good job of listening to survivors, Stetzer told attendees at the summit, and “we want to do better.”

“We’ve tried to listen to survivors today. You’ve noticed the overwhelming theme was people who have walked through this journey,” he said.

About 750 people registered for the event, according to organizers. Another 300 signed up to watch the livestream, and more than 40 groups livestreamed the event, including churches, universities and the headquarters of the Evangelical Free Church of America.

It comes as a survey from Nashville, Tenn.-based LifeWay Research earlier this year found that about two-thirds of Protestant pastors say members of their congregation have experienced sexual or domestic violence. Fewer than half of those pastors said their training equipped them to address the issue.

At the summit, prominent evangelical Christians from a number of denominations urged churches to educate themselves about mandated reporting laws in their states regarding sexual abuse, pressed for more female leaders in the church and denounced abuses of power by church leadership.

Panelists tell how trauma affects survivors

And a panel of trauma and counseling experts from the college shared a clinical understanding of how trauma affects survivors and how the church can help them heal. They stressed the importance of believing survivors when they come forward and simply sitting with them in their sorrow.

“We expect someone who’s experienced trauma just to get up and be OK, and because things have been shattered, it’s going to take time to put them back together,” said Nancy Nealious, a trauma recovery and licensed clinical psychologist in the Wheaton College Counseling Center.

In his closing remarks, Lucado revealed he was sexually abused as a child by a community leader. That’s why he said he accepted the invitation to speak at the summit—because he understands the difficulty of “regaining a balance, having gone through this type of situation.”

As he listened to other speakers, he also said he felt the need to repent for what he called “locker-room banter” from his days playing football, for conversations with women in which he “could have done better” and a condescending attitude he has adopted at times as a senior pastor. Men need to listen and to hear the stories women are sharing, he said.

“Now is the time for across-the-coffee-table conversations that begin with this phrase: ‘Help me to understand what it’s like to be a female in this day and age,’” Lucado said.

Critics voice concerns

The conference was not without its critics.

Former evangelicals Emily Joy and Hannah Paasch, the creators of the #ChurchToo hashtag, were not invited to speak at the summit. The two offered their responses to its sessions throughout the day on social media, stressing the view that evangelical beliefs help create an environment where abuse can occur.

Kelly Aten, a community group leader at Renewal Church, a nondenominational congregation in West Chicago, Ill., said she appreciated that speakers made clear sexual abuse is a sin. But they could have clarified that the abuser—not the victim—had sinned.

Survivors already may be dealing with feelings of guilt or shame, as well as a “blame culture” that too often asks what she was wearing or what she did to invite the abuse, said Aten, who attended the summit with a group of female leaders from Renewal.

Abuse is not just a sin, said Aubrey Sampson, a member of the church’s preaching team who identified herself as a survivor. It’s also a crime—a point she said more speakers could have made clear.

It is the church’s turn

Still, those in the group said they had learned a lot and hoped to take what they have learned back to Renewal. They hope to create an environment where people can feel safe and experience healing.

“The leaders in our church need to be equipped and encouraged and empowered to know, ‘What do we do?’” Sampson said. “How do we lead our people? How do we shepherd our people well?”

That was something that had resonated with them in Moore’s talk.

The Bible teacher recounted new headlines every month exposing crime and coverups in churches and other Christian institutions. She pointed out how secular groups have responded.

Now, Moore said, it is the church’s turn.

Understanding Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Ministry Leaders and Survivors

By Tim Hein (InterVarsity)

There are certain places I don’t want to revisit, an auto shop and the dentist being two of them. We go to these places because we have to, but as bad as things like auto repairs and dental work can be, none compare to the experience of child sexual abuse. So, why read a book about it?

If you’re going to read only one book about child sexual abuse, this is a good one.

As Debra Hirsch states in the “Foreword” to Understanding Sexual Abuse, “No Christian leader can answer the call of ministry today and not be informed about this issue.”

With the continuing scandal in the Roman Catholic Church, the recent Fort Worth Star-Telegram report of widespread abuse in Independent Fundamental Baptist churches, the slew of stories coming out of evangelical churches throughout the United States and the heartbreaking reality that many abuse victims continue suffering in silence, Hirsch’s words are absolutely correct.

Where is it safe to talk about sexual abuse?

Although we might not want to talk or read about child sexual abuse, from the beginning of the book, Tim Hein makes Understanding Sexual Abuse at least a safe place to go.

Hein is himself a survivor, as is his wife, Priscilla. They each share parts of their story, none of which introduce or reintroduce the reader to trauma, a pledge Hein makes in the introduction and keeps throughout the remainder of the book.

How do we create safe places for the abused?

Creating safe places is imperative in preventing and responding to sexual abuse. A starting point for leaders in creating safe environments is being aware of their position as leaders. Leaders must not force disclosure or dig into a survivor’s story. Full, genuine and compassionate listening is the essential posture, as described in chapter one.

How does sexual abuse affect a person?

Many around us—whether or not they’ve experienced sexual abuse—have been traumatized. Chapter two explains symptoms of trauma, important information for anyone working with people. Interestingly, we often do not associate the trauma of war with the experience of sexual abuse, but the presenting symptoms frequently are identical.

The latter half of the chapter details common experiences of surviving sexual abuse. These descriptions provide helpful inside information for those seeking to care for survivors, as well as giving survivors a comforting mirror in which to see their reflection.

What to do when the secret comes out?

Disclosure is a critical moment in the outworking of sexual abuse in a person’s life. Chapter four provides crucial—even if general—information to individuals hearing disclosures. Ministry leaders must be knowledgeable of the reporting guidelines for their state. In Texas, the legal requirements and reporting instructions are available online.

One of the most helpful parts of this chapter is the distinction Hein makes between hearing a child’s disclosure and hearing an adult’s.

Just what is healing supposed to look like?

In chapter four, Hein describes the slow and lurching road of working toward recovery from sexual abuse. He is honest about the pairing of prayer and faith with professional counseling and therapy. Sexual trauma weaves deep threads, and having another person to help untangle them is a Godsend.

Shouldn’t the abuser have to pay?

Anger, bitterness and resentment are very real challenges for those desiring to overcome sexual abuse. Hein gently guides his readers through questions about forgiveness and justice in chapter five. He makes startling statements: “To forgive is first to condemn” (p. 99), and “Trust is not a commandment. It must be earned” (p. 111).

Where was God then, and where is God now?

I suspect every trauma survivor wonders about God at some point, whether or not they dare ask the question. When the question is voiced, those who hear it do best to listen and not provide a systematic theology, though Hein can’t resist a short philosophic response to the existence of evil. In chapter six, he describes how ministry leaders can come alongside abuse survivors in a Christ-like posture, demonstrating confidence in Christ in the midst of tough questions of faith.

What to do with brokenness?

Chapter seven is a more wide-ranging chapter than the rest, covering several topics: the need of survivors to allow themselves to experience grief fully, to enter into sadness as catharsis and restoration; reading the Psalms as a curriculum in lament; including lament in worship services to represent accurately the world the way it is; advocating for survivors; an exposition of Christ’s crucifixion as God’s identification with our brokenness; and finally, hope.

Where do I go from here?

Hein closes Understanding Sexual Abuse with a chapter written directly to survivors in which Priscilla recalls a turning point in her journey of recovery. Tim outlines a set of simple, interesting and practical ways he and Priscilla have found to be helpful in their respective processes of healing. One point needing further elaboration is a survivor’s resilience in times of stress.

Other helpful resources Hein references are The Courage to Heal, written to women by Ellen Bass and Lauren Davis, who write from a non-Christian perspective, and Healing the Wounded Heart by Dan Allender. Allender is an expert in trauma and abuse therapy. His earlier book, now in a new edition—The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse—dives deep into Christian self-examination and, for survivors further along in recovery, could be a good follow-up to Understanding Sexual Abuse.

Eric Black, executive director, publisher and editor
Baptist Standard

(RNS)—In recent months, sexual abuse and sexual assault have dominated conversations across the country. From politics to entertainment, sports to religion to education, no corner of our culture has found itself immune to controversy over allegations of sexual misconduct and abuse.

In many cases, the victims of sexual abuse and/or assault wait years to come forward with their story.

That’s led some to doubt the stories of victims. It’s also led to the trending hashtag #WhyIDidntReport—as women tell their stories of why they did not come forward earlier.

As a survivor of sexual assault, I want you to know why this occurs so often.

For those of you who are not familiar with my story, I was sexually assaulted by my youth pastor when I was 17. Though I reported the abuse to my associate pastor within 24 hours, the police were never contacted.

Before I had even finished telling my pastor all the details of my abuse, he interrupted me.

“So, you’re telling me you participated?” he asked. He then advised me not to speak with anyone else about what had happened.

I followed his advice for 20 years and kept silent.

Twenty years of silence finally broken

When I finally came forward in January 2018, one of the first things people said was, “Why did she wait so long?” Not only did people ask me this question constantly, they also used it to discredit me—as if the passage of time somehow negated my trauma.

While working toward my own healing, and in conversations with other survivors, I have learned about factors that can both consciously and subconsciously cause a victim to wait years to come forward. Though no two victims have had an identical experience, the passage of time before reporting abuse is quite common and normal. It takes great courage for survivors to speak about their experiences.

Reasons abuse survivors remain silent so long

One of the reasons it took me years to speak up was the intense and at times unbearable amount of shame I experienced as a result of my abuse.

Shame is humiliating and isolating. I felt disgusted with myself—dirty, unworthy and unlovable. This feeling led to self-doubt and blame. I began to question whether I might somehow be responsible for the actions of my abuser. These feelings only intensified after speaking with my pastor who insinuated I was culpable in my assault.

I also waited out of fear that no one would believe me. Not only was my abuser in a position of power and authority over me, but he was deeply loved by everyone in our church, adults and peers alike. What would happen if my abuser denied the truth? What would happen if he chose to minimize his actions and instead make me out to be the person to blame?

There I was, a 17-year-old girl already consumed with shame and self-doubt, trying to weigh the consequences of speaking out. Ultimately, I felt it was safer to remain quiet.

Many survivors choose to do the same. They stay silent because it is safer than speaking out. Survivors often fear retaliation from their abusers, which can manifest in different forms. Survivors might be afraid for their personal safety or that their abusers could threaten their financial stability. Coming forward could cause survivors to lose their jobs—or to be sued.

Survivors also fear the loss of personal relationships, both with others as well as with the perpetrator. If the abuser is a family member, close friend or trusted professional, the fear of losing that relationship can seem overwhelming despite the fact that person has caused you harm.

When allegations of sexual abuse are brought to the light, there’s often controversy as well.

People will take sides—and that can cause victims to be cut off from those they love. Victims often already feel isolated and ashamed because of the abuse. Coming forward can make that worse as friends and family withdraw from victims.

The trauma from abuse can and does have lasting and devastating effects.

Though it may be difficult for those who have never experienced sexual abuse to comprehend how and why a survivor might act and think differently than others, it is vital that we listen when survivors tell their stories.

Encouragement for men and women survivors of sexual abuse

To any other man or woman who has been a victim of sexual abuse, I would like to tell you that you matter and I believe you. What happened to you was not your fault. You deserve healing and an opportunity to live a life free from shame and fear.

If you’re reading this and you too have suffered in silence, I’d like to offer some words of advice.

Confide in someone you trust and seek out support. Working through trauma is painful and difficult, but opening up to others can be quite therapeutic, allowing for healing to begin.

Once you are in a safe place with a healthy support system, report the abuse to the proper legal authorities. I know this can be intimidating as there is often no guarantee that the abuser will be held accountable. But reporting to law enforcement will ensure that any investigation will be conducted by trained professionals. It will also begin a paper trail that can be crucial documentation for yourself or possible other victims.

As a naive young girl growing up in an environment full of patriarchy and purity culture, I would give anything to have known then what I know now.

If I could have a conversation with my younger self, I’d say, “You are strong, you are brave and your voice matters.”

If you’re reading this piece and have never been a victim of sexual abuse, I’d like to take a moment to recognize you too. Thank you for your willingness to hear what I have to say about a topic that’s not only controversial but oftentimes uncomfortable.

We cannot expect change unless we speak out.

We cannot be understood if no one is listening.

Jules Woodson is a Christian, mother, flight attendant, survivor and advocate. The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily represent those of Religion News Service.

Tiffany Savage and Lynde Griggs are co-founders of Belle & Sparrows, a “by women for women” nonprofit seeking to stand in the gap for marginalized women in North Texas and around the world. Both women, while on separate mission trips, realized the need for others to advocate on behalf of women and children who are victimized through abuse and trafficking. In teaching women about their God-given worth, Savage and Griggs now take other women on mission trips and teach victimized women important life skills for success outside abusive relationships.

The following is an interview with Savage, the granddaughter of a Baptist preacher and church planter. She was raised in a Southern Baptist church and served a Baptist church for several years. Belle & Sparrows, the organization she co-founded with Griggs, is intentionally nondenominational.

Though we don’t want to acknowledge it, women and girls face two particular problems: sex trafficking and domestic violence. This is not only a global problem; it is also a local problem. Just how many girls experience sex trafficking in North Texas?

There are about 400 girls being trafficked on the streets of Dallas each night with their average age being 13 years old. “On the streets” means girls are literally placed on street corners, stadium parking lots and similar locations around the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex.

In addition to sex trafficking of women and girls, how many women in the DFW Metroplex face domestic violence?

In the DFW Metroplex, I have stats from 2013, and the numbers have increased since then.

In 2013, the Dallas Police Department Family Violence Unit reported 13,007 family violence calls resulting in 1,215 aggravated assaults, 23 murders, 10,812 reported offenses, 91 sexual assault offenses, 180 violations of protective orders and 5,782 arrests.

• As a result of domestic violence, 246 women go to shelters in the Metroplex each night with many others being turned away for lack of space.
• One in four women faces domestic abuse from a partner.
• A woman is beaten every nine seconds in the United States and 15 calls a minute are made to hotlines for domestic violence.

And that’s just the DFW Metroplex. Do you have statistics for some other places in Texas?

Last year, the state of Texas served more than 70,000 families in family violence programs. Texas family violence programs received 172,573 hotline calls in 2016. The National Domestic Violence Hotline received 16,045 calls and 1,206 chat requests from Texas in 2016.

How does sex trafficking tie into addiction, domestic violence, and incarceration? 

The U.S. State Department showed that “almost 70 percent of adult female trafficking victims experienced domestic violence prior to being trafficked.”

If a drug-addicted parent loses his or her job and other supports, he or she can spiral downward into addiction. With nothing left to sell or steal, the addict often decides to sell his or her partner—or child—for drugs or money.

Oftentimes, a girl falls into the trap of a trafficker, and before she finds her voice, he has her addicted to drugs so she can’t leave because she has to fuel her addiction.

Domestic violence can lead to drug use, and drug use can lead to prostitution, and prostitution often leads to incarceration or trafficking. Jails and prisons are becoming the new hunting grounds for traffickers. As soon as women are arrested and charged, they are becoming targets for human traffickers. Grooming begins with letters once they are targeted.

What is grooming, and what does it look like in the context of trafficking?

Grooming takes place when sex traffickers target vulnerable women, girls and boys and then execute a psychological and physical grooming process aimed at transitioning them to a dependent role. Using violence, substance abuse, false promises and manipulation, traffickers then abuse the dependency and soon have physical and mental control over their victims.

You alluded to a woman’s need for financial stability and the promises traffickers make to that provide that. What is the relationship between a woman’s ability to earn a fair wage and the likelihood of her being trafficked?

Trafficking victims are lured by false promises of decent jobs and better lives. The inequalities women face in status and opportunity worldwide make women particularly vulnerable to trafficking. If a woman cannot earn a fair and equitable wage, she often feels trapped with no other choice but to follow the lead of a trafficker.

Why can’t women make a fair wage to feed, clothe and provide housing for themselves and their children?

Women in the U.S. who are faced with being abused, who have come out of a violent relationship, who have been incarcerated previously or who are trying to overcome addiction struggle to find jobs that afford them a wage to provide for themselves and their children.

Minimum wage jobs or jobs that will hire someone with a record will not be enough to sustain a family of more than one. This leaves a mom with undesirable options, but when backed in a corner, she will do whatever it takes to feed and clothe her children.

Clearly, there is a need for advocacy for vulnerable women and children. Since there are already governmental initiatives underway, is there a need in North Texas for a nonprofit organization that empowers marginalized women?

There are many local organizations doing great things; however, there still seems to be a gap when it comes to empowering women to feel accomplished and worthy as women by learning a trade or skill and also giving them a decent wage for the work they do.

This is where Belle & Sparrows comes in. We seek to fill this gap by helping with economic sustainability, social justice and social enterprise.

We want to help more women find and act on opportunities to start and maintain small businesses with earning potential for their families.

We want to see the message of worthiness repeated in as many places and to as many people as the Lord will allow. The hope that is sparked by the message of worthiness can flourish into a flame for these women and for their generations to come!

I’m intrigued by this “message of worthiness.” Where does that idea come from?

God says very clearly several times in his word that he even cares for a tiny sparrow. How much more important or “worthy” of his love are we?

We are called to be image bearers of Christ. The more you believe you have inherent value and something important to contribute to the world, the more confidently you can move into your calling!

This is hard to grasp for many women who have faced abuse, addiction, incarceration, etc. Failing to believe these truths is often a result of a deeply rooted sense of inadequacy. To fight against these lies, we need to remind women of these truths of worthiness!

Churches may think trafficking doesn’t affect them. What are churches missing, and what can they do to help?

There are girls sitting in church pews each Sunday who are being trafficked by their boyfriends the other six days of the week. Often times church is the only place traffickers will let their girls go unsupervised.

How can the local church be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ if we aren’t being his eyes and ears, too? How can we love someone if we don’t even know they exist? Fighting human trafficking can begin with an act as simple as listening to someone’s story. Our congregations should take the time to get to know one another and build deeper relationships, this puts us in a better place to recognize and respond when not only our hearts but our eyes are wide open.

Some people may be concerned about starting a relationship with a woman or child they suspect is being trafficked. They don’t want to make that person’s situation worse. What is your advice for getting to know a person who may be a victim of trafficking? What sorts of things are okay to do, and what kinds of things should be avoided?

We use the following tool in our training to help people gain a trafficking victim’s perspective.

• Think about things from our point of view. Never say you “understand” because you haven’t been there. Even so, try to put yourself in our shoes.
• Language counts. The words you use make a difference. Calling us “prostitutes” hurts us.
• Kindness and empathy go a long way. Even if we appear high, angry, homeless or dressed a certain way—don’t make assumptions. Showing us you care lets us know we can come to you for help.
• We might/will probably mess up again. There are lots of things that push us back into the life. Give us many chances. At some point, we will hit rock bottom, and we will need your help.
• We are good at reading people. We have to be. So we can tell if you really want to help us because you care or if you’re just saying you want to help us so we can help your case.
• We know things. Sometimes we might want to tell you. A lot of times, we won’t—at least not right away.
• We know more than you do about this life.
• We don’t want to be out there doing what we’re doing. You have to understand that. We’re just doing this for survival. We’re homeless, or we just need some way to keep going.
• We may act “hard,” but we have to have that “wall” up for survival. Deep down, we know we need help.
• Most of us didn’t get rescued as little girls. That doesn’t mean we don’t need your help now as adults.
• We have experienced more fear than you can imagine. Putting your pimp away doesn’t always get rid of that fear.
• We are good mothers. Give us multiple chances, give us the tools, give us time to get our lives together. Sometimes, the only thing worth fighting for is our kids—they’re the reason we get out. When you take away our kids, you take away our reason to fight.
• Listen to us. You may be “educated” and “professionals,” but even with your good intentions, you don’t know how things work in reality.
• Don’t just ask us for our “stories”—we are not on display! You need our input and feedback; so give us ways to be involved and have a voice before you start passing laws.

How can individuals and churches help Belle & Sparrow accomplish its mission of advocating for and empowering marginalized women?

Individuals and churches can help by recognizing that there is a need and then educating yourselves. Go with us to serve. Help us with funding our programs. Share our organization with your friends, family, neighbors, colleagues and others.

We would love to speak to your church, women’s organization, small groups, Bible studies, MOPS, etc.

Attend our upcoming (un)GALA on Sept. 21, and hear more about the work we are doing locally and globally. The event will be at the Art Centre of Plano, and tickets can be purchased here.

What future plans does Belle & Sparrows have?

Belle & Sparrows is in the beginning stages of opening a place for women not only to live and learn how to become self-sustaining but also giving them a skill or trade while paying them decent wages to take care of their family.

We realized we need to implement a multi-phase initiative in the local area to help bridge another gap in serving marginalized women, which is a social enterprise program to include housing, manufacturing and retail space in the future.

The Stella Projects will be a comprehensive, holistic model across several modalities with the first phase being the development and implementation of a consumable line of products.

We believe this project will introduce our services to an extremely underserved population of women. As a result, we anticipate a rise in awareness of the need in our own backyard, as well as becoming a beacon of hope to women in other situations around the U.S.

We want to change a culture that still allows human beings to be bought and sold. The Stella Projects, after all phases are complete, will meet a universal call for healing that echoes under bridges, in jail cells and on the streets of our communities.

Survivors of trafficking, prostitution, abuse and addiction share a story that has been universal since the beginning of time. It takes communities to place individuals in these situations, and it takes community to provide healing and empowerment to survivors. We are this community.

To learn more about Belle & Sparrows, you can attend their un(GALA) on Sept. 21 or visit their website.

McKINNEY—Stephanie Henry—a survivor of childhood sexual abuse—became a stripper when she saw her body as a “commodity” that could provide relief from financial desperation. Today, she devotes her life to combatting human trafficking and attitudes that objectify girls and women.

Stephanie Henry“I am doing this so I can heal, too,” Henry told the McKinney Youth Summit, a one-day event devoted to help professionals and volunteers who work with teenagers.

Trafficking treats girls and women as commodities when they are forced or coerced into renting out their bodies, often for diminishing returns the more “used” they are, she noted.

Henry, who leads the Activism for Empowerment Foundation, has worked to combat trafficking in Kenya, Nigeria and Cambodia. But she emphasized to her North Texas audience trafficking occurs in their own communities.

Texas is the second-largest reporter of human trafficking in the United States, and the National Human Trafficking Resource Center  received more than 2,400 notifications from Texas last year, she said.

That places a heavy responsibility on the faith community, she said.

“Churches are where people often go for help. Every single solitary church should go through trafficking education,” she insisted.

People who work with youth should recognize some of the warning signs of trafficking, such as a controlling older boyfriend, scars or bruises, stunted growth and truancy, she noted.

Henry pointed to “push factors” that can lead girls and young women to become victims of trafficking—poverty, child sex abuse, early exposure to violence, family dysfunction and lack of education. One of three children who run away is lured into sex trafficking within 48 hours of leaving home, she reported.

Henry relates to that profile. She grew up with abuse—molested by a great uncle, raped by a stepbrother and neglected by her mother. At age 13, a 19-year-old boyfriend introduced her to drugs and then took advantage of her sexually. By her junior year in high school, she developed an eating disorder, fueled by self-loathing and finding a false sense of control in binging and purging.

She married at 18, and by 20, she had a baby and a full-blown case of post-partum depression. Before long, she entered an extramarital relationship. When she went to a pastor for counseling, he made sexual advances toward her.

She divorced her husband, and her life continued to spiral downward as she entered one abusive relationship after another, had two abortions and developed deep dependency on drugs and alcohol. She lost custody of her daughter, lost her will to live and lost any remaining self-respect.

She worked seven years as a stripper—a job that “would perfect my ability to shut my emotions down and perform for those who wanted to exploit me for their pleasure,” Henry wrote in her memoir, If Only I Could Sleep. “There’s a whole underground world of bars that open when regular bars are closing, and that’s the world I entered. … This was when I realized the body could actually be a commodity.”

At a residential treatment facility, she learned a life-changing lesson—accepting responsibility for herself.

“There is no way we can go back and make the monsters of our past accountable for what they do to us. They face their own judgment day. And make no mistake, they will have that day,” she wrote in her memoir.

“But we have to understand that the abuse put upon us was not about the real person we are, the person God intended us to be. We weren’t created for the abuses of this world, but if we have endured them and we can use that experience to help others, then we have survived.”

In an interview, Henry noted financial desperation led her to work in a sexually oriented business, but some women performed to make money for controlling boyfriends—a short step away from trafficking.

“There was one time I remember when girls were taken right off the stage and out onto the street” to work as prostitutes, she recalled. “There but for the grace of God … ,” she said, her voice trailing off.

Henry’s story fits the profile of many victims of trafficking, said Tomi Lee Grover, founder of TraffickStop.

Stephanie Henry shows her bracelet to a girl at the Sao Sary Foundation in Cambodia. Henry has also worked to combat trafficking in Kenya, and Nigeria.“Sexual abuse is probably the No. 1 indicator of a child who has the potential of being exploited. Of the girls who have been rescued, probably 85 percent of them said they were sexually abused as children,” said Grover, formerly a community ministries and restorative justice consultant with the Baptist General Convention of Texas.

Although some nightclub owners try to make sure trafficking does not occur at their establishments, trafficking remains indisputably linked to at least some strip clubs and other sexually oriented related businesses, she said.

“It’s a slippery slope when people start working in that business. There are a lot of predators who come to prey upon them in that business and move them to prostitution,” she said.

While controversy surrounds the connection between sexually oriented businesses and trafficking, many young women working in strip clubs undoubtedly are targeted and recruited by pimps and traffickers, said Lindsey Speed, marketing and communication director for Traffick911, a Fort Worth-based organization that seeks to prevent trafficking and to rescue and restore underage victims of domestic sex trafficking.

“We have worked with a number of victims who started out trying to make money at places like this, or who got recruited to work there, and ended up being lured or forced to have sex or perform other acts against their will—and for money they never see,” Speed said.

Sexually oriented businesses create the demand sex traffickers supply, she added.

“At Traffick911, we believe that the sex industry as a whole is a circle, each area fueling another,” Speed said. “Whether it’s pornography, strip clubs, video stores, massage parlors, etc., these businesses are fueling sex addicts who have a continual lust for more. This is the essence of sin, right? When pornography doesn’t satisfy, they may turn to going to a strip club. When that doesn’t satisfy, they may turn to buying a woman or girl.”

In the United States, girls enter trafficking—on average—at age 12 or 13, she noted. That points to the need for churches to educate youth and those who are in contact with them, she added.

“Knowledge is power,” she said. “Education leads to prevention and rescue.”

Posted: 6/08/07

Sexual predators often fly
under the radar at church

By Hannah Elliott

Associated Baptist Press

EW YORK (ABP)—Most people think they can spot a sexual predator. He’s the pale loner with greasy hair and quivering lips or the grinning lech who hugs too long and slowly rubs the backs of female co-workers—or church members.

Could be. But for every overt pervert, there are plenty more who go unnoticed—and unsuspected.

Predators gravitate to vulnerable people. They move into places where they are the highest authority and where that authority remains unquestioned. In some cases, that place is the local church.

Experts say there is no standard profile of a predator, no personality trait or background history that would link them in one group. Rather, predators have similar behavior patterns and desires, no matter whom they victimize. Pastors who have affairs, for instance, are much different from those who molest children. The former are morally wrong but usually not criminals. The latter are both.

Some experts insist philandering men typically fall into two categories. The “wanderer” gets emotionally involved with a woman, crosses boundaries, gives in to temptation and regrets it later. The “predator” actively looks for vulnerable women, takes advantage of them and moves on to other victims.

Whether with a vulnerable woman or a naïve child, however, the abuser always breaks a bond of trust. And while there’s no unique predator profile, in the end, they’re all the same— abusers rarely offend once, whether or not they planned the event and whether or not they regret it.

“We have this feeling that we could pick out a child molester in the crowd, but they look like your average, normal, trustworthy person. Sometimes they look more-than-average trustworthy,” Dave Mallinak, pastor of Berean Baptist Church of Ogden, Utah, said. “Another thing is we have this conceit that we could pick out a liar from a crowd—that I would know if someone is lying to me.”

Mallinak should know. He is working on a book for pastors counseling sex-abuse victims and has spent years tracking a former pastor whom he said molests teens in local churches before church leaders find out and fire him. Mallinak recently outed the accused pastor on his blog, sharperirony-.blogspot.com.

The naiveté of people who think they can discern a liar coupled with the trust people give to pastors can be a dangerous combination, Mallinak said.

“They become good liars,” he said. “Of course, we naturally want to trust our pastor and believe him, but once they’ve crossed that line, telling a lie is certainly not a hard thing.”

Gregory Sporer, an author and founder of Keeping Kids Safe Ministries, has spent almost 20 years counseling both abusers and the abused.

Staff or church member sex-offenders have two weaknesses, he said. The “give-away categories of behaviors” are boundary violations and generally suspicious behaviors. Most church offenders have months of boundary violations, or “grooming,” prior to the first sexual offense. They’ll choose children who seem emotionally vulnerable and gain their trust with seemingly innocuous contact. For most, he said, it’s a gradual spiral down from there.

“Pastor sex-offenders are not mentally ill, and they rarely have a criminal history,” Sporer said. “Christian men and women do not become sex-offenders overnight. For many, it starts with porn or an emotional bond with a teen or child, and over a period of time, a secret sexual sin with the teen or child emerges.”

Many predators start out as men or women addicted to porn or inappropriately attached to specific children, Sporer said. And according to Sexual Abuse, a Journal of Research and Treatment, church attendance and religious practices in sexual offenders is positively related to the number of their victims and the number of their sexual offense convictions.

Sporer said in his 35,000 hours of sex-abuse counseling, he has seen that dynamic multiple times.

“Some use adult porn, which may lead to teen porn,” he said. “Eventually, the porn doesn’t meet their sexual needs, and they look for teens or kids. Some pastors … develop emotional attachments to kids. Eventually the emotional attachments become sexual, and a child is molested.”

The cycle of pornography leading to abuse grows darker and deeper on a gradual basis, Sporer said, noting many offenders reported hating sex offenders before they became one.

What’s more, many predators report that after each offense, they would go weeks avoiding their victims, have intense self-loathing, increase Bible reading and beg God to “take their sin away” so they don’t go to jail.

And contrary to popular opinion, many sexual abusers were not themselves abused.

In the 1980s, Sporer said, several reports claimed most sex offenders were molested as children. It was used as an excuse for the chain of abuse, he said, but times have changed since then, especially with increased use of the polygraph test.

“Offenders thought they gained more sympathy if they lied about being molested as a child,” Sporer said. “There are some offenders with a history of being molested as a child, but it is not as significant a number as once thought.”

What is significant is that all clergy predators seem to desperately need what they abuse their position to get—power, pleasure, admiration and autonomy.

Mallinak, who became outraged when he saw a former pastor grope teen girls, said the pastor was obviously taken with the pursuit of pleasure and idle amusement. He also loved to be admired, Mallinak said.

“There was something intoxicating about the adoring eyes of his followers,” Mallinak said, adding that even he looked up to the pastor as a hero. Sadly, Mallinak later wrote on his blog, the pursuit of admiration “is like a tapeworm. It is always eating and never filled. A man who craves admiration, no matter how much he gets, will never be satisfied.”

The root of that commonality is sin, Mallinak tells his congregants. It’s not a “fundamentalist” problem or an organizational problem, he said. “It comes from (the predator’s) own flesh.”

Even though the cause of the abuse comes from within, historic Baptist autonomy can be a problem in tracking predators, experts agree. For Mallinak’s Utah congregation, which is an Independent Baptist church, “ultra-autonomy” is something of which to be proud. Predators take advantage of that, he said.

That tension between Baptist autonomy and accountability is one factor in learning to profile predators. Another is the question of whether predators can be rehabilitated.

Mallinak said all predators should spend the rest of their life in jail or “something more severe than that.” In his opinion, predators must never be allowed back in the pulpit in any capacity, since they have “violated a trust and are incurable.”

“Repentance—genuine repentance as opposed to the kind that demands that everybody forgive me right now—would involve a confession that what he did has limited his future,” Mallinak said. “In other words, if he really repented, then he would never seek another pulpit.”

Sporer, on the other hand, has called the idea that sex offenders do not change a “myth.” According to him, many of the 550,000 registered sex offenders in the United States attend church. Most of the church-attenders claim to be Christians with a strong desire to serve Christ, and most offenders who have been convicted and are registered are successful at not re-offending, according to a 2001 report by the Center for Sex Offender Management. The report said the average sex-offence recidivism rate, defined as re-arrest or reconviction, was 12 percent for child molesters over a five-year period.

Mallinak tells embittered victims that clergy predators are counterfeits who stand in the place of a real pastoral shepherd.

“When a pastor violates their trust … I think we have to remember that this is why we need Jesus Christ. This is exactly the reason. We have to rest on his grace and rely on that,” he said. “If it weren’t for the grace of God, none of us would make it.”

Posted: 6/08/07

Sex-abuse victims speak up to help
others & find healing themselves

By Hannah Elliott

Associated Baptist Press

NEW YORK (ABP)—Debbie Vasquez was 14 when her pastor started touching her inappropriately. She was 15 when he raped her and 19 when she had his baby.

Tina Boyd first was molested at age 11. Later, she was raped by her church bus driver. The rapist, whom she eventually married and divorced, has been arrested for dabbling in child pornography.

Vasquez told members in her church about the abuse but was disbelieved and accused of lying. Both women ultimately clammed up, refusing to acknowledge the molestation and living with their pain for years. Now, they’re using that pain to alert others to the danger of clergy sex abuse.

“The hurt from it is life-long. It’s not something that ever goes away,” Vasquez, 48, said. “The way that you’re treated if you ever tell anybody anything makes it worse. It makes it really hard to even have a relationship with anybody else, to even trust anybody. It’s not a hurt that ever goes away.”

Vasquez has filed a lawsuit against her former minister at the now-defunct Calvary Baptist Church in Lewisville. Pastor Dale Amyx acknowledged in court documents that he had a sexual relationship with Vasquez and had fathered her child. Texas court records also show Amyx was convicted in 1967 for giving alcohol to a minor.

Amyx used the Bible and his position to justify his actions, Vasquez said. And that made her situation even worse.

“Being molested by a minister is twice as bad as any other kind because of the spiritual and physical aspects,” she said. “Here is someone who is supposed to be a man of God. And if you’re made to feel guilty because of it, it’s a very strong message to that person for the rest of their life.”

It’ll take the rest of her life to heal from the abuse, she said, and it hasn’t been easy. Vasquez used to have panic attacks during sex, ended up getting a divorce and even tried to kill herself after she learned her abuser had taken up with a teenage girl.

Like Boyd, though, Vasquez decided to tell her story to anyone and everyone who will listen. It has helped her feel stronger, she said. They both think their openness could save others from a similar fate.

“It took me 10 years to admit to myself that this happened,” Boyd said. “I think I’ve healed as much as I’m going to heal. There are times when I still have moments of unforgiveness. Other than that, maybe I can heal by just finding a way to just let it go and be forgiving and to help as many people as I can.”

To that end, Boyd has created a website, www.notmyfamily.org, aimed at helping victims of sex abuse. A web-developer by trade, the 38-year-old mother provides a listening ear for abuse survivors and helps them connect with the tools they need to recover.

Boyd was married 11 years to the man who molested her. He has since been in jail and now has supervised custody rights to their three daughters.

Her current husband encouraged her to start the site after a friend confided that her daughter had been molested by a youth pastor. Earlier, the couple had learned at least five other families in their church had daughters who had been inappropriately touched.

“My husband comes home from work and said: ‘We have to do something. We have too much information and too much experience not to help people,’” Boyd said. “From that day, we began working on the website.”

Boyd and Vasquez are typical survivors of abuse; both went through periods of self-doubt, guilt and isolation. Boyd said she’d lie in bed at night and pray God would make her a better wife. When Vasquez became pregnant, church leaders forced her to go before the congregation and ask forgiveness as an unwed mother.

“Considering how bad I was doing, I’m definitely doing a lot better,” Vasquez said. “But I think the (difficult) thing is … trying to overcome the feelings of the guilt itself. I felt like there was nothing I could do. I thought I had to protect myself and my kids.”

Besides displaying their lives as a warning for other victims, the decision to file custody suits and lawsuits and become involved in a healthy church has helped each woman as well.

Their attitudes toward church, especially, are striking. Neither woman is bitter against God or their current pastoral leaders for the abuse. Boyd said she still believes God can make good things come out of bad things. Her life now, with a loving husband and well-adjusted daughters, is “totally unexpected.” Vasquez blames “the person, not really the church.”

“I know there have been other people who have been hurt, and they are extremely bitter. I really do believe in God,” she said, adding that she is unhappy with church leaders for not taking appropriate action and wishes denominational leaders would take an active stance against abuse.

In spite of her continued belief in God, it was more than 20 years before Vasquez and her children returned to church.

Her time back has been a “mixed bag,” she said. On one hand, some people have supported her journey through sex abuse and her desire to talk about it. On the other hand, some have made it clear it’s not a subject they want to discuss.

The topic of sex makes people uncomfortable, she said. But knowing that staying quiet allowed her abuser access to others pushed her forward. She said she realized that if she didn’t tell her story, “more and more people (could) get hurt.”

“I’m trying hard to be able to trust people again,” Vasquez said. “I’m trying hard to trust churches again. I want to have that ability. I would like to be able to have a relationship, to get married. I feel like I’ve gotten stronger since I’ve started talking about it. I’ve gotten stronger since I’ve realized there are other people than just me.”