Voices: Rural people care when you die

In the early days of the invasion of Iraq, a sandstorm arose and created a chain-reaction wreck in a truck convoy. Chad Bales, a 20-year-old Marine from Muleshoe, was driving one of the trucks.

We held his funeral service on a warm Sunday afternoon in April in Benny Douglas Stadium. In attendance were Chad’s friends and classmates. Friends and classmates of his siblings were present. Friends and associates of his parents and grandparents gathered in support.

Muleshoeites and guests to our city were in attendance. There were churchgoers and non-churchgoers. More than 2,000 people sat in the warm sun to pay their respects.

Following the service, a reporter for the NBC affiliate in Lubbock asked: “Why were there so many people in attendance? I have been to several military services in Lubbock, and very few people attended.”

I answered: “When the Speaker of the House Sam Rayburn was diagnosed with cancer, he was asked, ‘Why are you leaving the medical care in the nation’s capital to go home to Bonham, Texas?’ He answered, ‘In Bonham, Texas, people know when you are sick, and they care when you die.’ Muleshoe is the same kind of place.”

The reporter asked, “Who is Sam Rayburn?”

Rural funerals

One of the unique facets of rural ministry is the community emphasis placed upon funerals.

I recognize this comment is anecdotal, but on more than one occasion, a pastor who left rural life for the city has commented: “Our church members may drop by the visitation, but they do not attend funerals. Here, people show up for the funerals.”

Well-prepared funeral services are a reminder the person who has died and the people who loved that person are important.

When speaking to young ministers, I often say: “You can have a bad Sunday. You can miss the mark on a Wednesday Bible study. But you only have one opportunity to bury someone’s mother or father. Be prepared. Tell their stories with respect. Remind them of the promised resurrection for those in Jesus Christ.”

Few things will encourage a family like a reminder their loved one was appreciated by the church and community, and they are in the care of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Funeral meals

In rural life, funeral traditions are ingrained in church culture. Meals provided for the family on the day of the funeral are a feast prepared with love.

Guests often look across the serving table and retell childhood stories of gathering black-eyed peas in a grandparent’s garden. Or their memory is jogged by the sight of a corn casserole. Family members might struggle to remember the last time they tasted a homemade cherry pie, a crust rolled out on a kitchen counter and a filling from a cherry tree in the backyard.

Funeral meals require a great deal of effort, but the effort is given in love.

After being in this community for more than 30 years, I often am asked to perform funerals for members of the community without a church home, or their church is searching for a pastor. After one large meal, I went to the hospitality committee and apologized for generating extra work.

They answered, “Funerals enable us to serve and use our gifts in ways we could not otherwise.”

Funeral priorities

Former District Judge Jack Young told me of a busy summer in his teenage years. Jack’s father formed a quartet frequently asked to sing at funerals. That summer, funerals were frequent, and farming was behind schedule. The weeds were out of control, the wheat needed to be planted, and the equipment required maintenance.

The young Jack said: “We do not have time to sing at another funeral. We are going to lose this crop.”

The elder Young answered, “We are never too busy to bury our friends.”

In rural life, generational connections help to encourage people to remember and honor those who have passed. Family histories often are tied together.

To attend a funeral, a person must take time away from work, leave the tractor to sit idle, reschedule a doctor’s appointment, find child care or make the ultimate sacrifice—change a hair appointment. When you make the effort and give the time to attend a funeral, you are blessing the family.

Ruby’s funeral

Not long ago, First Baptist Church in Muleshoe held a funeral for our oldest member, Ruby Green. Ruby was 104 years old. She could remember the day when Bailey County had no paved roads.

She told stories of the Dust Bowl, raising 200 chickens every three months, and traveling the seven miles to town twice a year. Ruby made decisions based on what was required, not personal happiness.

Ruby drove her car to the Senior Center and First Baptist Church until she was 103 and six months of age. She outlived her friends and many of her family. I buried two of her children.

About 250 people gathered for Ruby’s service. They came for Ruby, and they came for Crispin, Charles and Noreen. People came to laugh, remember, seek comfort and be reminded of the promises of the gospel.

I hope to encourage you to reconsider your approach to time management when it comes to funerals. Please recognize the time you give to attend a funeral is not time lost. You are honoring the deceased and supporting their family.

Do not make your decision to attend or not attend a funeral based on how well you knew the deceased. Instead, make your choice to attend based on what your presence can mean to the family and the church.

Stacy Conner is pastor of First Baptist Church in Muleshoe. The views expressed in this opinion article are those of the author.