RIGHT or WRONG? Responding to an empty nest

My spouse and I are about to experience the “empty nest.” Most couples get little guidance on making this transition. What advice can you give us?

I was told this story when my children were small: “My wife and I left our youngest son at college. He was waving goodbye, and my wife started to cry. Making the long drive home, I began to cry also. Suddenly, we both stopped crying. It was the saddest 15 minutes of our lives.” I remembered that story every time we left one of our children at college and wondered if it would be our experience.

Debbie and I joined the ranks of the empty nesters last fall. We drove away from Waco and Baylor University, leaving our youngest to begin the life of a university student. Prior to that moment, we had been told by others of their experiences. Most were humorous. We received several warnings. But we received precious little advice. I am not sure I have any advice, but here are a few things I noticed:

•Our son was eager for the experience. Pre-Baylor summer activities introduced him to new friends, and he was ready to go. His eagerness made things easier. Phone calls from a homesick child make both child and parents miserable. We know about miserable phone calls; we’d rather receive no calls than miserable calls.

•Our grocery bill rapidly declined. Unfortu-nately, you cannot enjoy the savings while you are paying tuition.

• I went to sleep sooner when I stopped listen-ing for the front door to open.

• Debbie and I talk to each other with more variety. Prior to the empty nest, most of our conversations were about scheduling and responsibilities.

• I am part of the community, not just a parent. I was told one time that when your children graduate you are free to stop supporting the school activities because “It is someone else’s turn.” I feel a certain satisfaction in being a fan, not just a parent. We should celebrate with every student, not just our own.

• As a pastor, I see the youth ministry quite differently. Before, I was “in the know” as a staff member and as a parent. I feel I have lost a portion of the picture.

• I miss his help around the house. I took a noticeable enjoyment in his help when hauling the Christmas decorations out of the attic.

• I miss his help around the church. All of my children are highly proficient in filling Lord’s Supper cups!

• I miss his company.

Writing this article has reminded me of a few blessings. I would rather suffer a little nostalgia and enjoy the rare times of connection than rejoice that my child is finally out of our hair. Part of the pain of the empty nest is created by love. We should celebrate that.

Stacy Conner, pastor

First Baptist Church

Muleshoe

Right or Wrong? is sponsored by the T.B. Maston Chair of Christian Ethics at Hardin-Simmons University’s Logsdon School of Theology. Send your questions about how to apply your faith to btillman@hsutx.edu.