Commentary: How to be a son: Rediscovering identity in God’s design

Our world is full of boys and men who never have experienced the joy of being a son. Though they were born here and are made in the image of God, the love of a father is nonexistent for far too many.

There are also those who have experienced having a father and it left them feeling empty, traumatized and lost.

For others, there are boys and men who have had fathers who were physically in the home, but emotionally and spiritually absent.

Some of us could only imagine what it feels like to be fatherless.

For me, being a son meant access. It meant being able to ask questions. It meant I could trust my dad with specific things. But it also meant if I made a mistake, I had a choice to come clean about it.

In early April, my dad Willie Lyons passed away, and such an event caused me to experience both deep grief and reflection. As I walked through the good and bad of all the memories, one of the things God spoke to me during this time was: “Learn how to be a son.”

Being a ‘good boy’

I spent a large amount of my early Christian years, even while growing up in the church, striving to be a “good boy,” thinking, “As long as I didn’t mess up or fail, God is happy with me.”

The goal was to be free and clear of life’s challenges I thought only resulted in just bad decisions. A few years of good, accurate Bible teaching and sound theology taught me no one was excused from the challenges and troubles of this world, especially those who are in Christ.

The issue with the “good boy” life is it holds to the idea that somehow good people will not endure trials and tribulations. When personal struggles and matters pertaining to my fallen nature came into play, the “good boy” motif failed to offer what only Jesus could.

When God told me I needed to “learn how to be a son,” I immediately knew what he meant. Rather than spending so much time looking for my earthly father to teach me certain things, I needed to lean even more into my heavenly Father to meet my past, present and future needs.

Boys and men carrying the question, “Who am I?” can rest their identity in Christ. One of the identifiers for guys in deep need of the acceptance and affirmation of their identity is being a son to God the Father.

Being God’s son

Those who believe in Christ receive the right to become children of God (John 1:12).

Sonship means we are “led by the Spirit of God” (Romans 8:14). Sonship also means we “received the Spirit of adoption as sons” (Romans 8:15). Galatians 4:6-7 shows us, because we are sons, God sent the spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba, Father.” The Aramaic term Abba means “Daddy” or “Papa.”

The benefits are life-changing and transformative for those who are sons in Christ. As a son, you have the same nature as the Father, because you also partake in his divine nature, whereas a servant does not (2 Peter 1:4). A son can obey out of love, not out of fear.

Being a son also meant I had to let go of this idea I could somehow be a “good boy” for God. And that’s great, because God offered me something far better—being justified (made right) in Jesus Christ. In Jesus, I’m good, which means no unnecessary masking as a “good boy” in a man’s body.

Sonship also means we will experience discipline. We are reminded not to regard the discipline we go through lightly, and not to grow weary when we are corrected. The Lord disciplines the one he loves (Hebrews 12:6-11). We are encouraged to endure discipline, and it is in his discipline of us that he’s treating us as sons.

Our need for a father

Perhaps this truth is what boys and men are needing to hear. People who experience life without a father may find discipline, self-control and order either to be too stifling or limiting. Others may find the idea of being disciplined and challenged by God to be cruel and unusual.

When we are faced with those thoughts, we can find within the word of God multiple Scriptures that point to God’s good, righteous, faithful, trustworthy character. Hebrews 12 further tells us God disciplines us for our good, so we may share in his holiness.

Also, God knows we would find those periods of discipline unpleasant, but it yields the peace of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Being a son means we are receiving our identity from God the Father and through our relationship in Jesus Christ, not earning it through the world’s model of manhood with all its hustle culture, performance and all manner of unbiblical masculinity.

Kendall Lyons is a writer, minister and cartoonist who publishes on his Substack page Kendall’s Comics. He is also the illustrator of Your Identity in Christ: Finding Who You Are in Who He Is by David Sanchez. The views expressed in this opinion article are those of the author.