2nd Opinion: Some folks are ‘done with church’

My 2-year-old grandson, Bodie, went to church on Easter. He didn’t want to go the nursery, so his parents decided to take him into “big church.” The church was packed, but Bodie and his parents found a spot in the back of the sanctuary.

Bodie quickly grew weary of the proceedings. Ten minutes in, he started to fidget and fuss and then announced matter-of-factly, “I’m done with church.” And he was. He caused such a stir, his father took him outside, where they played until the service was over.

If you read the statistics or maybe look at the pews in your church on Sundays, you probably will conclude Bodie is not the only one making such a declaration. All across America, people are saying, “I’m done with church.”

They don’t announce it as loudly as Bodie did, but they leave their pew on Sunday with the quiet realization that church doesn’t do it for them anymore. Somehow, it doesn’t meet their spiritual need, doesn’t draw them closer to God, doesn’t seem worth time and effort. So, like Bodie, they’re done with church.

For a long time, those of us who do go to church, and especially those of us who serve in church leadership positions, have just written these people off as flighty and uncommitted. They’re the seeds planted in shallow ground that never really took root, or the seeds planted in thorny ground that got choked out by the cares and worries of the world. They’re shallow and distracted, and we cluck our tongues at their lack of commitment. In other words, we’ve assumed the problem is with them, not us.

But a closer look at these people who are done with church reveals them to be something other than shallow and thorny. Many have a long history of church attendance—people schooled in the Christian Way, people for whom faith in God is essential. But, for a number of reasons, they’ve decided to walk away from church. They’re still followers of Jesus, but they plan to follow him on paths outside institutional Christianity.

We need to pay attention to these people. Their quiet absence screams at us, and we shouldn’t ignore them. When we think about people who have abandoned the pew, several truths start to surface, truths that can at least help us put this development into clearer perspective.

 

Throwing stones seldom cures anything.

Sure, some people leave church for bad reasons. Some people really are shallow and thorny, and the problem is with them, not us. As a pastor for 38 years, I could write a hefty book about the bad reasons people drop out of church.

But before we nonchalantly dismiss them as shallow and thorny, we would do well to consider the possibility the problem is with us, not them. Is it possible our church comes across as fake and forced? Is it possible our church is afraid to address issues that need to be addressed? It is possible our worship fails to usher people into the presence of God? Is it possible our church has become shallow and thorny?

Although it is painful to admit, the sad truth is some of our churches deserve to be abandoned. If our church has become mean-spirited and judgmental, sensitive people will be done with it. If our church has become a clique outsiders can’t break into, those outsiders will give up and go elsewhere on Sunday morning. If our church has become an entertainment center that has lost its gospel edge, people will find their entertainment elsewhere.

Years ago, I read a book in which the author said this maxim should be applied to all relationship problems: “If there’s a problem here, I caused it.” In light of the empty pews around us, those of us in the church might take heed.

 

For some people, finding God is not a group activity.

Some people who are done with church simply realized corporate worship doesn’t usher them into the presence of God. All that seems meaningful to other Christians doesn’t work for them. They cringe when strangers approach them to shake hands and make them feel welcome. They feel much of what happens in a worship service is manipulative and dishonest. They wonder about the sincerity of most prayers offered from the pulpit. And the sermon typically strikes them as superficial and irrelevant. They feel guilty about these negative feelings and wish they were “wired” differently, but they finally decide if they are going to experience God, they will have to do it outside the institutional church.

I wish we could have an Introverts’ Service. It would be low key, thoughtful, nonmanipulative and unappealing to most people. But for the loner, reflective Christian, it would be a welcome change from the hustle-and-bustle of the typical worship service. It would provide a forum for people who want to be left alone and experience God on their own.

 

No church can meet the needs of all people.

Every church makes an unconscious decision to “pitch” its message at a certain level. Some churches opt to address the needs of unchurched people, those who barely know the Old Testament from the New. Some opt to address the needs of long-time Christians who know all about the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son. And a few opt to address the needs of theological sophisticates, those who know about Barth and Bultmann and want to go deeper than most people want to go.

Every Sunday when I stood to preach, I spoke to all three groups. Our church was a level-two congregation, “pitched” at long-time Christians who at least knew something about the Bible. But we had people in the other two groups, as well. Some of what I said was over the heads of some listeners, and some of what I said was beneath others. It is impossible to meet the spiritual needs of all people, so sometimes people move on to a church where their needs can be addressed better.

So, some empty pews might be a sign people have moved on to a different spiritual level, That is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

The church as it now exists is an endangered species.

I never have claimed to be much of a prophet, but I predict 20 years from now, church will look very different than it does now. The old paradigm of church as a big building where people gather once or twice a week to study and worship will not be with us much longer. Already, the winds of change are blowing (howling?), and the institutional foundations of the church are trembling. It seems God is doing a new thing. The church in 2030 or 2050 might be unrecognizable to many of us.

But with all the faith we can muster, we trust God still is sovereign. God still is working in, and through, the church, and the church will continue to flourish in the years to come. It might not meet in big buildings with pipe organs, but it will be vibrant and alive and intent on establishing the kingdom of God here on earth.

In summary: Why those empty pews? Some are empty because the church needs to look hard at itself and make changes. Some are empty because some people have realized corporate Christianity doesn’t speak to their deepest thirst. Some are empty because people have moved on to another church that can better meet their needs. And some are empty because God might be doing a new thing that doesn’t involve sitting in pews.

Those of us who love the church and have given our lives to serve God through the church look at those empty pews and worry. Attendance is slipping. The Joneses no longer come. Where’s it all going to end? If enough people declare they are done with church, is the church itself done?

Then we relax, lean into the sovereignty of God, and trust the church still is in good hands. And we pray all of those people who are saying with Bodie, “I’m done with church” are really saying, “I’m done with church as we’ve always known it, but I’m open to the new thing God is getting ready to do.”

Here’s hoping and praying ….

 

Judson Edwards retired as pastor of Woodland Baptist Church in San Antonio last year. His next book, Blissful Affliction (The Ministry and Misery of Writing) will be released this summer.

 

Texas Baptist Forum will return in the May 23 edition.