Editorial: Moms need more from us

Being a mom is more.

More what?

More everything.

In many cultures, the stereotypical mom cooks more, cleans more, tends more to the needs of the family and home—even if she also works outside the home—than anyone else in the home. Notice the prepositional phrases. They matter.

Many moms know more about everybody’s day, their wants, their likes, their needs, their schedules than anybody else in the home.

Mom’s often balance and juggle more than anyone else in the home.

As I write, I’m watching a mom take care of her toddler son while doing yardwork, talking with her mom who just arrived and receiving a package from a delivery driver who also just arrived—all at the same time and without breaking her stride or a sweat.

Yes, being a mom is more.

Are those of us who aren’t moms even aware of that?

Remembering moms are more

I asked the following question on Facebook: “What do you want people to know or remember about your mom?”

Responses indicate at least some are aware of how “more” their moms were or are.

In short, respondents wanted people to know their moms are more than their outward appearance or a position in a family or a stereotype. Their moms were or are tough. They were or are survivors. They overcame significant challenges. They overcame the odds.

Among the Facebook responses at the time of writing, “perfect” wasn’t a word that showed up. No one’s mom was or is perfect. None of us expect our moms to be. There’s a gift tucked in there—the grace of knowing she doesn’t have to be perfect to be loved, cherished, honored and praised for being the mom she is.

Here’s another gift, I hope: I know a lot of moms who grieve they weren’t better moms. OK. May they rest in knowing they could have been worse—even a lot worse.

Pastors’ kids’ moms

Being part of a family of pastors—all of whom had or have wives and children—a common sentiment among us is the moms in our family are “much more than just a preacher’s wife.”

The moms in our family demonstrate—for those who doubt—that moms aren’t necessarily the softer, “weaker” parent. Goodness, no. One mom once was described as “a firm woman,” meaning she was not to be trifled with. It was said in respect because, well, she is “a firm woman.”

As one of the Facebook respondents pointed out, one of the moms in our family—one of the pastor wives—was a multifaceted and exceptionally talented person, a successful businesswoman and a force to be reckoned with. And, boy, was she.

The whole family

Going back to the mom taking care of her toddler son while doing all the rest. Now, her dad is here and playing with his grandson … while Mom and Grandma trim trees in the yard.

I’m not saying anything’s wrong with that. I’m just reporting the facts.

A few minutes later: Some more facts are Grandpa was only stopping by, and his playing with his grandson was its own important work. What a blessing it is for that little boy to have so many people in his life who love him, for his mom to have a father who is engaged with his family, and that the boy gets to see a mom and a grandmother who are more than stereotypes.

For moms to be more, they need more from the rest of us.

What moms need

All the ways in which moms and being a mom are more is something to honor but not necessarily to celebrate. Too often, moms are more because they have to be. Too often, motherhood is more because other adults in a mom’s life aren’t equal partners in the work of raising children or taking care of the home.

For moms to be more, they need partners equally committed to raising and nurturing the family. They need a culture and policies that value family and motherhood. They need adequate support and encouragement to rise to the challenge of creating, bearing, carrying, birthing, raising, nurturing, developing, maturing and walking alongside children into their adulthood.

We need more moms—in our individual lives and our shared lives. We need more nurture, more care, more toughness, more creativity, more survivability, more faith, more godliness—all those things my Facebook respondents wanted us to know and remember about their moms.

We need this in our homes, our schools, our offices, our institutions, our government, our churches. And moms need more from us in all those places.

Rising to our responsibility

For the rest of us: Not being a mom isn’t less. There are all kinds of reasons a person isn’t a mom—within or beyond a person’s or a family’s control. No, not being a mom isn’t less. It’s different, but not less. For those of us who aren’t moms for whatever reason, we have our own “more” to rise to.

So, let us accept our responsibility and rise to the task, so when our moms are more, it’s something to celebrate, not just honor.

Eric Black is the executive director, publisher and editor of the Baptist Standard. He can be reached at eric.black@baptiststandard.com. The views expressed in this opinion article are those of the author.