Intentional interim ministry seems to be a best-kept secret. As a result, many churches are unaware of the clear benefits of engaging in the intentional interim process.

Part 1 described when a church should engage an intentional interim and some things a church should know about the process. Part 2 describes the benefits of the process and how to know when the process is successful.

Who becomes an intentional interim?

One of the benefits and safeguards of intentional interim ministry is the longevity of ministry experience intentional interims are required to have to be credentialed by the Baptist General Convention of Texas. A few examples follow.

Lynn Eckeberger became an intentional interim after years on church staff. His experience is in enlisting, training and managing Christian education in the church and engaging people in missions. He was also a director of missions and on staff at the BGCT.

Rusty Walton is a retired senior pastor who sensed the same call to intentional interim ministry as he did to the pastorate. As Walton demonstrates, calling to intentional interim ministry is an important consideration.

Levi Price became an intentional interim because he “was doing a lot of interim work and desired to do a better job” with them. Intentional interim training taught him how to “work through [churches’] problems and situations” more effectively.

How are churches improved through the intentional interim process?

“Differences are embraced rather than denied or silenced,” Eckeberger said. Everyone gets on the same page.

Churches who go through the process have restored and deepened fellowship leading to renewed hope for their future. They develop strategies for dealing with conflict.

“Perhaps among the best fruit is that the new pastor is welcomed into a church ready to step forward” into a new and shared vision, Walton said.

As a church begins to think more about its mission than the struggles of the past, despair and defeat give way to hope, and grieving gives way to a positive outlook, Price said.

How does a church know when the process is successful?

“The most common thing I hear from church members is, ‘Someone cared about what I thought’ or, ‘We got our voice back,’” Karl Fickling, coordinator of interim ministry for the BGCT, said.

Even when people don’t “get their way,” they feel heard and respected and “are on-board with church-wide decisions,” Fickling said.

Another indicator of success is that churches decide together rather than decisions solely being made by leadership and passed down.

When the intentional interim builds trust and transparency with the whole congregation, anxiety lessens and open and honest discussion begins, said Walton.

Each intentional interim brings unique gifts and affects the outcome in particular ways. “All of us who do this work are committed to the process. We believe in the process, but we have the opportunity to accomplish it in our own way,” Price said, which illustrates the significance of interviewing intentional interim candidates and examining their call.

In Price’s experience, churches begin to see the success of the process when they reach the mission focus point of the self-study. When the congregation sees and understands “its unique core values and begins to work to find the unique mission of that church,” the congregation becomes hopeful and positive in outlook and begins moving forward “to carry out the mission,” Price said.

What success looks like

To illustrate the success of the process, Eckeberger shared the following story.

“A group of more than 100 was meeting immediately after the morning worship service. Questions were being asked about a particular phase of the intentional interim process. A female church member in her 30s stood and waited to be called on.

“‘I have spoken my mind in previous meetings. In doing so, I spoke harsh words that were intended to clearly communicate my thoughts, but carried with them the intent to harm some of you. I was wrong. Some of those I hurt are no longer with us. I know it may be impossible, but God has made it clear, I must apologize to them as well. I need your help. Will you tell those you know I hurt that I am sorry and I want to say that to them personally? Will you tell them I should have listened? Will you let me know who you tell so I don’t leave anyone out? I thought I was supposed to win the argument, but I know I was not supposed to lose my brother or sister in the process. Please forgive me.’”

“She hardly finished before fellow church members were embracing her in a huddle of hugs.

“The meeting lost its structure, but gained a sensitivity, transparency and collaboration, which yielded a fragrance of forgiveness and acceptance that never left the church for the remainder of the intentional interim process.”

What do leaders say about the intentional interim process?

Melanie Ayers, the administrator at Sterling Wood Church in Houston, echoes the descriptions of a successful intentional interim.

“During the transition, the intentional interim helped clarify our vision and surface issues that needed to be addressed,” she said. “The intentional interim provided stability and hope to a church that was reeling after the loss of our founding pastor.” In her role as the administrator, she felt the weight of that loss and the burden lifted by the intentional interim.

Sterling Wood was benefited in another way by the process. New young leaders were elected to the transition team. They took “tremendous ownership in the future well-being of our church and continued in leadership to make those dreams a reality,” Ayers said.

How do pastors who follow an intentional interim evaluate the process?

Ross Shelton was called as pastor of First Baptist Church in Brenham at the conclusion of its intentional interim process. He describes the church as stabilized. Prior to the intentional interim, attendance and giving had decreased.

During the process, healing took place as “people were able to share their hurts and disappointments and, having been heard, were able to move forward toward a better future,” Shelton said.

Over time, the success of the intentional interim period are being demonstrated in “healthy patterns of thinking and behaving” and in perseverance. “Having been through a difficult season and an intentional interim, the church learned they can persevere with God’s help through difficult times,” he said.

While the process reduces anxiety, it doesn’t remove all of it. First Baptist in Brenham—like many other churches—still was anxious about the unknowns of a new pastor. In addition, not every issue is settled during the process. Some important discussions still needed to take place when Shelton arrived.

Describing the church, Shelton said: “Most of the people look back to the intentional interim time with fondness. For most, it was a time of relief from previous stress and an opportunity to dream and vision about the future.”

*******

For more information, visit the Interim Church Services webpage or the Intentional Interim Ministry website.

When should a church engage an intentional interim? How is an intentional interim different from a traditional interim? What should churches know about the intentional interim process?

These questions are answered in Part 1.

Eric Black is the executive director, publisher and editor of the Baptist Standard. He can be reached at eric.black@baptiststandard.com or on Twitter at @EricBlackBSP.

“Things will fall apart if we don’t call another pastor soon. An intentional interim takes too long. We can’t afford to wait.”

“Only bad churches need an intentional interim. We don’t want people to think we’re a problem.”

These are common misperceptions about intentional interim ministry.

Intentional interim ministry, however, is designed to enable churches to assess themselves while continuing their ministries without losing ground. In reality, most churches can’t afford not to engage an intentional interim.

How is an intentional interim different from a traditional interim?

Many churches are familiar with a traditional interim, a person whose main responsibility is to preach sermons on Sunday mornings while the church seeks a full-time pastor. With a traditional interim, pastoral care and progress toward a church’s mission often take a back seat.

In contrast to the traditional interim, intentional interim ministry encompasses the total life of the church to ensure ongoing congregational needs are met at the same time that the church positions itself for a stronger future.

Karl Fickling, the coordinator of interim ministry for the Baptist General Convention of Texas, describes the intentional interim as a “‘bottom-up’ model, where the process starts with the congregation, rather than a ‘top-down’ model that calls on the pastor to dominate church vision.”

When should a church engage an intentional interim?

Fickling says there are three situations for which an intentional interim is helpful: when a long-tenured or beloved pastor leaves the church, when a church is stalled or when a church is reeling from conflict.

“After 10 years [or possibly shorter tenure] of the last pastor, the next pastor is often an ‘unintentional interim,” Fickling said. “The departing pastor sets an emotional high mark that is hard for the next pastor to reach. The new pastor does things differently or wants to help the church make some needed changes, and this threatens the status quo.”

An intentional interim can help bring closure to a long pastorate while preparing the church for a new pastor.

The vast majority of churches are plateaued or declining, and most of those churches want a pastor to reverse that trend. For success, a church first needs to face its own issues. Intentional interims are trained to help a church do so honestly. After that struggle, a church can call a pastor who best fits the situation and desires of the church.

Conflict “needs to be addressed before calling a new pastor into a no-win situation,” Fickling said. If the previous pastor was forced out, an intentional interim can restore calm to the church.

“Some people think [conflict] is the most common—or only—reason for an intentional interim,” Fickling noted. “It’s actually the least common reason of these three.”

The intentional interim is a “‘bottom-up’ model, where the process starts with the congregation.” – Karl Fickling

What are the benefits of intentional interim ministry?

An intentional interim provides a “pastor during the interim.” An intentional interim makes hospital visits, leads Bible studies, participates in committee meetings and is engaged in other functions of the church while also leading the church through the intentional interim process.

The intentional interim is an appropriate person to lead a church to address prickly issues that otherwise might disturb a church’s fellowship or jeopardize a full-time pastor’s employment. Without such fear, an intentional interim creates a safe environment for difficult conversations.

Churches with intentional interims tend to be much calmer, feeling less anxious about rushing to fill a vacant position.

“The intentional interim period is one of the few places I’ve seen Baptists truly practice the ‘priesthood of the believer,’” Fickling said. “Even without an installed pastor, the congregation dreams, listens to God together and builds vision together.”

At the conclusion of the intentional interim process, a church comes away with a clear understanding of itself, what kind of pastor it needs and a clear profile to present pastoral candidates.

“It’s been my experience that churches almost always wish the [intentional interim] could stay and be their pastor,” Fickling said.

A caution about the intentional interim process

Jack Warren, deacon chair for First Baptist Church in Crowley, described his church’s experience with the intentional interim positively and cautiously.

“One positive aspect of the process is that the intentional [interim] is not setting himself up for a job,” Warren stated. “He can speak freely and honestly to the church.” Likewise, in the beginning, the process helped pull the church together.

Warren indicated more information about the process would have been helpful, as well as learning from others who had been through the process before.

While First Baptist in Crowley and the majority of churches have a positive experience with the intentional interim process, not all churches report the same. When churches report a negative experience, the reason usually is because the interim was not credentialed and sufficiently trained or because the interim did not complete the process.

What do churches need to know about the intentional interim process?

The process entails 16 purposeful steps beginning with an introduction to intentional interim ministry and ending with the installation of a new pastor. Steps between include a presentation of intentional interim candidates, a vote by the church to covenant with one of the candidates, and the formation of a transition team for the process.

The self-study is the heart of the process and includes examining a church’s heritage, leadership, connections to others, mission and future. When the self-study concludes and the church is ready, a search committee is formed and seeks a new pastor who fits the church’s profile.

From start to finish, the process ranges from 15 months to two years, depending on the complexity of the church. A traditional interim lasts about 12 months on average and may not position a church for greater success with a new pastor.

Intentional interims credentialed by the BGCT must abide by a set of accountability measures, which include intentional interim training, professional membership, continuing education and covenants with the BGCT and churches served. In addition, intentional interims undergo required peer review following each intentional interim pastorate.

For more information, visit the Interim Church Services webpage or the Intentional Interim Ministry website.

*******

How does a church know when the intentional interim period has succeeded? Who becomes an intentional interim? How have churches and pastors benefited from intentional interim ministry?

These questions will be answered in Part 2.

Eric Black is the executive director, publisher and editor of the Baptist Standard. He can be reached at eric.black@baptiststandard.com or on Twitter at @EricBlackBSP.

As editor Eric Black recently mentioned, sex is “front and center” in media and denominational discussions, but it is often in reaction to scandals and controversy. Seldom is the church offering and ordaining proactive and positive messages about human sexuality that celebrate it as gift to be enjoyed.

Why should the church be a part of these discussions? Does the church have anything to offer? If we claim to be the “City on a Hill” and a prophetic witness, then we have marked improvements to make in this area. Here are some suggestions.

Recognize and honor the many survivors in our midst.

If one in four women has been sexually abused and one in six men, our congregations are heavily populated with people who have experienced adversity in profound ways (many of whom have also been victims of spiritual injury). As a result, we must be aware of language, media and resources we use that can trigger and further traumatize survivors in our midst.

Pastors and staff need to have a vetted list of trusted professionals in their community to whom they can refer people and from whom they can learn about how churches can become a trauma-informed space. If abuse were to occur in the congregation, this network could help the pastoral staff and larger community manage such a complex situation.

Clergy in rural and otherwise isolated communities can network via technology to staff cases needing the assessment of a clinical eye if in-person resources are not readily available.

Create a trauma-informed culture with a clear message that children are a priority.

Most churches have some sort of child protection policy, but few have a culture of protection where trainings are paired with those policies and where clearly outlined safety plans exist for known sex offenders. Creating such a culture requires us to be as “wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”

Churches modeling best practices go beyond legal matters—background checks and written policies—to embrace a spirit of care. In these churches, staff and volunteers learn to rely on and share their intuition by observing volunteers and engaging children more fully. They also truly believe all children are God’s children and all children are our children.

Our mandate as people of faith must go beyond “not getting sued” to care more deeply and take seriously our calling to be stewards of the vulnerable.

Give name to sexual assault and talk about it.

Black mentions most pastors are not comfortable talking about sex from the pulpit. Although understandable because our culture has co-opted sex, the Bible has much to say about it.

David’s acquisition of Bathsheba for his own purposes—which led to rape, impregnation and murder—often is overlooked. Instead, David often is lauded as a man after God’s own heart, without hearing of his moral and spiritual deficiencies.

Can you imagine how a survivor might feel if he/she heard a pastor speak truth to the power of sexual violence? Or conversely, a pastor lauding David without noting his abuse of power?

Although a sermon about sexual assault very well could be triggering to a survivor, it also could serve for healing and resiliency to hear a person of faith—in power—publicly name the injustices so many have experienced.

Offer our members, children through adults, an alternative view of human sexuality.

Black says, “We know children need to know something about sex, but not too much too soon.” My hunch is that Black is specifically talking about intercourse here because children are born sexual and don’t necessarily need reminders of that. However, we are embodied.

Children arrive fully human, and sexuality is part of the gift by which God knits them together in their mother’s womb.

Some topics are not age-appropriate, but because of damaging messages of sex, we often tend to tell children too little too late. Our children come to us for guidance, and if we refuse to unpack our own baggage around sex, bodies and relationships, we will not be able to equip them adequately for a very confusing world that tells them sex sells but breastfeeding isn’t allowed in public.

We have to send the message that we are up to the task of talking about difficult topics.

One easy way the church can begin this conversation with caregivers is to offer intentional trainings to normalize the conversation.

I offer a curriculum that empowers caregivers of faith to create open communication with their children about topics such as sexual development, puberty, consent and intimacy.

When children are given the freedom and words to report if a boundary has been violated—using proper terms and clear language, coupled with a home environment that normalizes conversations around bodies and boundaries—the risk of victimization is reduced.

Perhaps caregivers would feel more encouraged and empowered to be brave in this area of parenting if their church endorsed—and sponsored—such open communication.

Celebrate sex, bodies and intimacy as a gift from God.

A study reports that when the Swedes teach their children about sex, they focus on “joy, responsibility and pleasure,” while Americans focus on “fear, risk and shame.”

If we are to reclaim the narrative about sex—that God declared it good and meant it to be enjoyed within the parameters of a responsible partnership—we need to communicate that message to our children.

Focusing on the goodness and joy of sex seems counterintuitive to us because we have been enculturated to feel shame about desire and bodies. We need to write a new chapter on this and reclaim a botched narrative of unhealthy sexuality.

The above steps are a beginning to a much larger conversation. It will take bravery to create spaces of transparency and openness, but the time is now if we will accept the opportunity.

LeAnn Gardner is a lecturer at Baylor University’s Garland School of Social Work and leads the SAFE—Sexual Awareness and Family Empowerment—workshop in churches and community organizations across the country. More information can be found at www.leanngardner.com.

Far more people have been sexually abused than are reported. The reasons for underreporting are numerous. It’s long past time to defang those reasons.

To those who have been sexually abused

If you have been sexually abused, it’s OK to tell someone.

It won’t be easy.

But when you tell someone, you do something significant. When you tell someone, you begin to undo the power sexual abuse has over you. Right from the start, as soon as you tell someone, you remove the power of silence and secrets.

But who do you tell? There’s more wrapped up in that question than may appear at first.

Sexual abuse creates a profound breach of trust, especially when that abuse is inflicted by a trusted person. And sexual abuse usually is.

Start by telling yourself.

Something happened to you. You may have a lot of questions about it, but one thing seems clear to you: It wasn’t right.

You didn’t ask for the abuse. Someone who should have protected you didn’t. Someone who should have cared for you instead hurt you.

You may never have allowed yourself to acknowledge what really happened. You may not yet be ready to delve into all of what happened. It may be enough, initially, for you simply to tell yourself what happened. And then to agree with yourself—it wasn’t and isn’t right.

After that, who you tell and when are your decision.

Some of your options are:

• Hotlines. There are a handful of agencies you can call. Each has trained professionals available 24/7.

• The National Hotline for Domestic Violence, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
• The National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453.
• The Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

• Reporting agencies. Reporting agencies differ by state. In Texas, contact the Department of Family and Protective Services, 1-800-252-5400.

“Texas law says anyone who thinks a child, or person 65 years or older, or an adult with disabilities is being abused, neglected, or exploited must report it to DFPS.

“A person who reports abuse in good faith is immune from civil or criminal liability. DFPS keeps the name of the person making the report confidential. Anyone who does not report suspected abuse can be held liable for a misdemeanor or felony.”

• Law enforcement. This option may terrify you, but here’s why law enforcement should know: A legitimate investigation cannot take place without a report to law enforcement.

• A counselor. Write down some goals—what you want or need—for counseling, and look for a counselor who fits those goals.

Look for a counselor or therapist who has experience working with trauma and/or sexual abuse. If a counselor is not a good fit, don’t give up on counseling but find someone with whom you feel comfortable and who you believe will help you achieve your goals.

When you are ready to tell someone, I encourage you not to stop telling until someone believes you. You will know you have been heard and believed when the person you tell walks with you through the next steps, which can include making a report or seeking a counselor.

To churches

I used to pass a business several times a week that had a large sign posted at its entrance. The sign read: “Safety is a moral issue.”

Church, you are responsible for providing a safe place. You are responsible for knowing and vetting your volunteers. You are responsible for the people you call and hire. You are responsible for the policies you have in place and for abiding by those policies.

When an incident happens on your property or on your schedule involving one of your leaders—paid or volunteer—you are responsible for taking it seriously and reporting it appropriately.

You don’t need an insurance company or an outside denominational entity to force your hand. You can do what’s right because it’s what is right.

If I haven’t been hard enough already, here’s a hard word: You may want people to trust your church, but because of the neglect of many churches—as pointed out in the recent Houston Chronicle/San Antonio Express-News report—the church as a whole must now accept people’s mistrust and work to earn trust once again. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight.

You may want to redeem the situation, but you may have lost the right—either by your own inaction or the inaction of another church. That redemptive work may have to be done by a third party. So be it.

The sanctity of each and every person who encounters your ministry is more important than your reputation. Caring for the people in your congregation and community is more important than preserving your organization.

Take the appropriate steps to deal with sexual abuse and misconduct when it occurs, and better still, engage in the best practices to do all you can to prevent such occurrences.

If you need help writing policies, organizations like MinistrySafe can help you. Remember, though, the best policy is an enacted policy. So, be sure you and your ministry can abide by the policies you create or can adapt your structure and staffing to meet the requirements of the policy.

Resources for addressing sexual abuse also are available in our Falling Seed column.

To all of us

Dealing with sexual abuse isn’t easy, but we are created in the image of God. Surely, we can do hard things.

Another word to abuse survivors

When you think you’re too broken to go any further, remember: You made it this far.

Eric Black is the executive director, publisher and editor of the Baptist Standard. He can be reached at eric.black@baptiststandard.com or on Twitter at @EricBlackBSP.

This article is part of a series on child sexual abuse and the church:

• How widespread is the problem?
• Impact on children and youth
• Impact on adults
• The church’s responsibility to protect children
• Reporting and care after abuse occurs
• Prevention resources

Previous articles considered the extent of child sexual abuse, how sexual abuse impacts children and then adults, the responsibility of the church to provide protection to children, and standards for reporting and care of victims. This article will look at resources available to parents to assist them in protecting children from sexual abuse.

Resources for talking to children about sex

One of the most basic things parents can do to prevent sexual abuse is to talk to children about sex. Because discussing sex often provokes a great deal of anxiety, one good approach is to have guidance through the process. If parents begin when a child is young, discussion of sexuality can be woven into life, as opposed to a one-time, awkward conversation that traumatizes both parent and child.

Secretiveness, naïveté and shame can be fertile grounds for a perpetrator to take advantage of a child. When parents are active and intentional about teaching children in an age-appropriate manner about their bodies and sex, parents greatly increase the likelihood that children will develop a healthy understanding of sex. Furthermore, if parents teach children about healthy sexuality—even if a child never experiences abuse—the child is on a much better trajectory toward healthy marriage and adult life.

Two excellent comprehensive sex education resources for parents are book series from a solid, evangelical perspective. Both series include a guide for parents and associated age-appropriate books for children.

In addition, Focus on the Family provides a resource list and hundreds of articles written on a wide array of topics regarding sex education in the family.

Learning about Sex Series (Concordia Publishing House)

First produced in the early 1980s, this series has been one of the best resources for parents, childhood educators and those who work with children and remains highly relevant and beneficial. Six age-appropriate books for boys and six books for girls each target a 2- to 3-year age window, beginning at age 3 and going through older adolescence. The parent guide, How to Talk Confidently to your Child about Sex, is the capstone piece of the series.

God’s Design for Sex Series (NavPress)

God’s Design for Sex is written by Stan Jones, respected psychology professor at Wheaton College, and his wife, Brenna. The parent guide, How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex, offers an overview of the series. There are four books for children beginning at age 3 and going through age 14. This series is very readable, practical and useful for guiding parents through how to teach children about sex in a healthy manner.

Protecting children from sexual abuse

In addition to a broad, comprehensive family plan to teach healthy sexuality, a specific portion of this plan should entail talking to a child about safety and danger and to preparing the child—again, in age-appropriate ways—to recognize and respond to unsafe situations.

Family safety plan

A family safety plan is a specific and intentional approach to mitigating the possibility that children are abused. Some elements of this plan might include:

• Develop a code word—Parents and children can work together to come up with a code word only the family knows. This word can be used by a child to communicate with parents something is wrong (i.e. when the child calls home from a friend’s house) or when parents must send someone in their place to pick up the child.
• Teach children about good touch and bad touch—A very simple, concrete way to do this, even with very young children, is to tell them no one can touch them where their bathing suit covers. If anyone other than a parent or doctor does touch them, they are to tell their parents. Even a doctor should have a parent’s permission.
• Be intentional about childcare—When considering childcare for children, whether it is more formal (full-time daycare) or temporary (a babysitter for the evening), parents should do their due diligence in screening those who will care for their children. Checking references when possible, researching any kind of review or references for a childcare provider, and trusting one’s instincts are important.
• No secrets/not in trouble if they tell—Convey to children that it is not OK for another child or adult to ask them to keep a secret and that they will not be in trouble if they tell their parents when someone asks them to keep a secret. As mentioned earlier, abuse thrives in secrecy.
• Actively monitor technology for children as they get older—As children begin using any kind of digital device, parents must be alert, attentive and active in monitoring time spent on devices. Because the challenges of technology and the associated dangers to children change so rapidly, parents of school-age children, preteens, and teens must be engaged constantly.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of items and activities in a family safety plan but identifies a few of the approaches parents may take in working to keep children safe.

Other family safety resources

Books

• God Made all of Me by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb
• I Said No!: A Kid-to-Kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private by Zack and Kimberly King
• Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids by Kristen Jenson and Gail Poyner
• My Body! What I say Goes! by Jayneen Sanders.

Online resources

• The Mama Bear Effect
• Darkness to Light
• Protect Young Minds
• RAINN
• Parents Protect!
• Stop It Now!

A final word about churches helping families

As families undertake the daunting task of raising children, churches can be incredible sources of support and encouragement and can partner with families in the process of helping children grow toward adulthood.

Seminars on healthy sexuality, talking to your children about sex and “stranger danger” not only can benefit families who attend church regularly, but also can serve the larger community in a way relevant for all families.

Children’s ministers, youth ministers and anyone involved in any aspect of family ministry can serve as resources to families who often do not have any idea where to begin in dealing with issues of sexuality and sexual abuse.

For too long, the church’s silence on matters of sexuality has resulted in a disconnect between the spiritual and sexual. Silence and inaction are breeding grounds for abuse. Instead, churches can be leaders in preventing sexual abuse and providing care when it happens.

Scott Floyd, Ph.D., LPC-S, LMFT, is a senior fellow and director of Counseling Programs at B.H. Carroll Theological Institute.

This article is part of a series on child sexual abuse and the church:

• How widespread is the problem?
• Impact on children and youth
• Impact on adults
• The church’s responsibility to protect children
• Reporting and care after abuse occurs
• Prevention resources

The church has the incredibly important task of creating a safe atmosphere for children. The previous article in this series considered a brief theology of care of children and then pivoted to practical steps the church can take to provide effective protection for the safety of children.

Now, think about what no one wants to think about. Consider the role of ministry personnel as mandated reporters when abuse occurs. Here, we will explore what must happen and how the church can assist child victims and families after abuse takes place.

Ministry personnel as mandated reporters

Guidelines for reporting child sexual abuse vary from state to state and have changed over time. So, it is not unusual for ministry personnel to be confused about who must report, when a report should be made, and the process for filing such a report.

Who must report child sexual abuse?

In Texas, reporting is governed by the Texas Family Code, Rule 261.101, which states that any person who suspects child abuse is a mandated reporter. Thus, regardless of profession and whether or not employed by the church, any person working in ministry must report suspected abuse or neglect of a child.

If a church has a specific policy about reporting abuse, an employee must follow that policy to report, but it is still the individual’s responsibility to make sure the report has been filed. Texas also prohibits an institution—like a church—from taking any action to prevent, hinder or discourage an employee from filing an abuse report. For pastors or other ministers in Texas, clergy-penitent privilege does not allow a minister to avoid reporting abuse. The requirement to report abuse supersedes anything told to a church minister or counselor in a confidential setting.

When should a report be made?

Ministry personnel must make a report when the individual believes abuse has taken place.

According to Texas Family Code, Rule 261.101: “A person having cause to believe that a child’s physical or mental health or welfare has been adversely affected by abuse or neglect by any person shall immediately make a report as provided by this subchapter.”

That means any person—either an employee or volunteer—working for a church must report suspected abuse and must do so “immediately” or soon after reaching the conclusion that abuse has taken place.

In a ministry setting, it is important to notify supervisors or other ministry individuals overseeing children of what the child disclosed. It is also important for ministry personnel to remember that they do not need to investigate what the child has revealed but need to report what has been disclosed by the child or what the ministry individual suspects has taken place.

In talking to the child, ministry personnel must be careful not to lead the child in telling his or her story, must not suggest information to the child, and must not fill in blank spots in the story for the child. When the child is telling the story, asking, “What happened next?” allows the child to provide information that is not shaped by the person hearing the story.

The pertinent information from the child’s story is reported to Child Protective Services, who can make their own determination about the need for further investigation.

To whom should the report be made?

Reports of child abuse are made to Texas Child Protective Services, which is a part of the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. To report abuse, an individual can call 1-800-252-5400, or can go to the reporting website here.

If the person reporting has any concern about the immediate safety of the child, he or she should call the phone number above, conveying to hotline personnel the critical nature of the situation. If the reporter is not sure what is classified as abuse, the DFPS website provides guidance. It also relates what information to have ready when calling or reporting online and what questions the person reporting will be asked.

Reporters are encouraged to provide their name and contact information so that CPS can follow up if they need more details or further information. CPS is required by law to keep reporters’ identity confidential. Reporters may also choose to report anonymously.

Providing care for abused children

When ministry personnel become aware that a child has experienced sexual abuse, what actions can be taken to help the child best, and how can the church support the child’s family?

Make sure the child is safe.

When sexual abuse of a child comes to light, one of the immediate needs is making sure the child is safe. Oftentimes, when abuse is reported, Child Protective Services will attend to safety concerns in an initial focus. Even though officials may assess safety needs, church personnel also can communicate with family members to gauge and to work toward the child’s protection.

In the church setting, consistent and loving care will help the child feel safe. Ministry adults who are familiar to the child can provide the child with a sense of safety and consistency in a time when the child’s world is upside-down.

Assure the child he or she did the right thing in telling a parent or adult.

A child often feels guilty in disclosing the abuse. This can be true especially if the perpetrator encouraged or threatened the child to keep a secret or if the perpetrator told the child the adult, the child or both could get in trouble if the child disclosed the abuse. The child needs to hear he or she did the right thing to tell adults and that his or her brave act of telling an adult is part of people now acting to keep the child safe.

Be patient if the child is struggling or acting out.

Children who have been abused might be depressed and withdrawn, or they might act out their anger, hurt and frustration. What may appear to be misbehavior can be the child dealing with a confusing mix of emotions brought on by the abuse.

Ministry personnel working with children can support the child by expressing patience if the child is withdrawn or acting out. Clear, consistent boundaries and lots of love within these boundaries is an active part of a child’s recovery from abuse.

Ministry personnel who would like more information about working with abused or neglected children can consult the excellent website Child Trauma Academy, which has an online library of information about working with abused children.

Remember to support the entire family.

The impact of abuse is felt by the entire family. Parents and siblings often feel anger at the perpetrator, but also may notice feelings of sadness and embarrassment. If abuse involves CPS or police, parents may experience frustration and further anger. Family members—parents and siblings—commonly feel profound guilt for not being able to recognize or prevent the abuse.

Ministry personnel can recognize the immense stress on a family surrounding the discovery or disclosure of abuse. Listening to, weeping with, and walking alongside the family will support them in this difficult time.

Ministry personnel need to avoid immediately urging the family to forgive the perpetrator. Recovery from abuse, whether the child or the family, involves a great deal of grieving over what took place. If a family is prematurely urged to forgive, the grief process can be interrupted due to the added feelings of guilt over struggles to forgive.

Refer the child and his or her family to counseling.

When abuse occurs, an ideal scenario involves referring the child to a counselor. Families who are willing to seek counseling should look for a licensed counselor trained to work with children and—most specifically—a counselor who has experience in addressing childhood trauma or abuse.

If a ministry individual does not know a counselor, several entities have counselor databases and may be able to guide a family to a counselor:

• Baptist General Convention of Texas
• Christian Counselors of Texas
• Focus on the Family
• American Association of Christian Counselors

Child abuse is one of the most difficult things that can occur to an individual or a family. Churches cannot protect every child or family, but they can be intentional and proactive in having plans to respond should knowledge of abuse come to their attention. Taking decisive steps and communicating support to the family may not only mitigate the damage done but clearly demonstrates God’s love and care for those in distress.

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Upcoming article

• What resources are available to churches and families to help prevent abuse and to help the family where abuse has already occurred?

Scott Floyd, Ph.D., LPC-S, LMFT, is a senior fellow and director of Counseling Programs at B.H. Carroll Theological Institute.

This article is part of a series on child sexual abuse and the church:

• How widespread is the problem?
• Impact on children and youth
• Impact on adults
• The church’s responsibility to protect children
• Reporting and care after abuse occurs
• Prevention resources

Previous articles considered the rate of childhood sexual abuse and how abuse impacts children and adults. Now, we ask what is the church’s role in ensuring protection to children and their families? To answer this question, we will consider a brief theology of care of children and then will look at how the church can provide effective protection for the safety of children.

What does Scripture say about care for children?

The Bible gives a clear pattern for how the world should work. In God’s design, children are to grow up in a safe environment where they can learn about God. Big people, like parents and adults who work with children, are to be loving and caring and to help little people grow up to be healthy, responsible adults who follow God with all their hearts.

Passages like Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Psalm 78:5-8 tell of the importance of parents passing their faith along to their children. These children grow up and, in turn, pass their faith along to their children.

Mark 10:13-16 relates a time when Jesus was in Judea, well into his ministry. Individuals were bringing their children to Jesus. The disciples believed it was not the best use of Jesus’ ministry for him to spend time with children. They actually rebuked parents for bothering Jesus with their little ones.

When Jesus saw the disciples doing this, the New American Standard Bible says he was “indignant,” telling the disciples to “permit the children to come to me.” In commenting on this passage, S.D.F. Salmond states that the word indignant conveys both wrath and grief. Jesus was both angry and sad that the disciples failed to recognize the importance of children.

The importance of safety and care for children is also evident in Matthew 18:1-6. As Jesus was teaching about the kingdom of heaven, he called a child and presented the child to the disciples, instructing them about the importance of childlike faith. Jesus concluded his discussion by saying, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

Children were important to Jesus. It is impossible to consider these and other passages and conclude care for children is unimportant.

Big people are responsible for caring for little people. Church leaders and ministers are responsible for creating a safe environment where children can learn and grow in Christian faith. Abuse is antithetical in every way to this care for children, and it is imperative that ministry leaders do all they can zealously to provide a safe environment for children.

How can the church provide a safe environment for children?

Churches can be proactive in creating a safe atmosphere for children. Regardless of congregation size, budget size, or education level of church members, the following simple steps can provide children with the best opportunities to learn and grow free from harm by those who should be protecting them and nurturing their spiritual growth.

Remain actively aware.

No church has the luxury of naiveté, the belief that “it can’t or won’t happen here,” or the right to laxness concerning care for children.

Awareness is essential and must happen in many directions. Churches must be aware of the extent of child sexual abuse—discussed in Part 1 of this series. Churches also must be aware of how abuse happens and who tends to perpetrate abuse.

Churches that function with eyes wide open are in the best position to protect children most effectively.

Designate a point person.

Assuming care for children is someone else’s responsibility is a grave mistake. Designating a point person decreases the likelihood that the task will fall through the cracks.

A church can designate a point person to be responsible for developing and implementing safety procedures. This person might be a paid staff member or a volunteer. Many churches will have a person, whether a staff member or lay leader, who will take such a responsibility seriously.

Utilize existing resources.

Not knowing where to start can be a reason for delay or failure to implement safety procedures for protecting children.

Support for child safety is often available at the associational, state and national levels. Many local churches that have developed policies for protecting children are glad to support other churches who need to do the same.

Other churches make use of existing entities like Ministry Safe or Protect My Ministry, both of which have extensive programs and resources to guide churches in protecting children. Right Now Media, utilized by many churches, also has numerous online resources that can be used for education and training.

Develop a child safety task force.

To broaden ownership of child safety, a church could develop a task force to oversee the development, implementation and evaluation of child safety policies.

Such a task force likely would involve paid staff, such as an administrative pastor or children and pre-school personnel, but might also include other church members, such as teachers, licensed counselors, social workers and police officers. A wide array of individuals from these or related backgrounds can bring rich experience to a child safety task force.

Develop policies and procedures.

A church should work toward a clearly considered and clearly articulated set of policies and procedures for child safety, whether using an outside resource, such as Ministry Safe, or a resource produced by a church’s own task force.

After developing policies and procedures for children’s safety, it is absolutely essential those policies and procedures are followed and that those who work with children follow these stated guidelines. Task force personnel or other church leaders must work with childcare personnel to ensure they receive proper training, understand the guidelines and follow them.

After policies and procedures are developed and implemented, their regular review and updating will demonstrate due diligence in an ongoing process of developing the most effective system of child protection.

Carefully screen those who work with children.

Laxness in screening procedures opens the door to predatory individuals who desire to harm children.

Recruiting enough volunteers to work in preschool, children and youth ministries is often challenging. Therefore, the tendency can be to welcome anyone who wants to work with these groups and to be lax in screening possible helpers.

Churches must do thorough background checks on all individuals who work with children. For any paid position, churches should never cut corners in checking references. Pastoral Care, Inc. even recommends checking arrest and conviction records and obtaining a set of fingerprints to have on file for key childcare positions.

Have a plan to respond when abuse does occur.

While the preceding steps should reduce the occurrence of abuse significantly, abuse may still happen. Therefore, in addition to providing guidance for protecting children, church leaders or a child safety task force also should have a plan of response in place before abuse happens. For example, if the incident happens in the church, the church needs to have guidelines for both internal and external investigations of how the abuse occurred.

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The Bible is unequivocal. We are to care for children. Jesus’ estimation of children is clear in his own interaction with little ones and in his indignation toward the disciples when they failed to see the importance of children.

There are many steps a church can take to increase the likelihood children will be safe at church. These steps are necessary and essential if we are to provide the type of care Jesus demonstrated.

——-

Upcoming articles:

• Who must report abuse, and how can churches help abuse victims and their families?
• What resources are available to churches and families to help prevent abuse and to help the family where abuse has already occurred?

Scott Floyd, Ph.D., LPC-S, LMFT, is a senior fellow and director of Counseling Programs at B.H. Carroll Theological Institute.

“I see trees of green, red roses, too.
I see them bloom for me and you,
And I think to myself,
‘What a wonderful world.’”

Louis Armstrong’s song, “What a Wonderful World,” is one of my favorites. The words and tune echo in my mind and escape my lips often. And yet … .

Some accused Armstrong of being an Uncle Tom or even something of a Pollyanna, lighting up the stage with his trademark smile and laugh, catering to wealthy white audiences during decades of Jim Crow. The cheerful sentiment of “What a Wonderful World” seems to confirm his blindness to the world as it is, but only to those who don’t know his full catalog.

I was introduced to Armstrong’s music in high school by my Sunday school teacher, who was trying to give me an alternative to the rap music he wished I would leave behind. He didn’t object to rap music per se but to the particular messages of anger and violence I was absorbing. He thought Louis Armstrong was a more positive influence. Indeed, “Mack the Knife” is a much more toe-tapping take on violence than most gangster rap.

From the beginning, Armstrong was a jarring substitute. Then, I heard something different—“Black and Blue.” It sounded like the beginning of a New Orleans jazz funeral.

“I’m so forlorn. Life’s just a thorn.
My heart is torn. Why was I born?
What did I do to be so black and blue?
I’m hurt inside, but that don’t help my case
Cause I can’t hide what is on my face.”

This, yes, this one is the truth. You can hear it in the hush of the band and the audience.

How can this come from the same person who gave us “What a Wonderful World?” How can a person so well-acquainted with the ugliness of the world sing of its wonder and beauty?

Ah, but isn’t that the gospel?

Here’s a truth: This is a less-than-wonderful world.

Every time “What a Wonderful World” comes to mind or escapes my lips, it is infused with bittersweet irony. It is infused with the reality and horror of a world in which people hate and brutalize other people. It is infused with the words and actions of white supremacists and nationalists who terrorize African-Americans, Jews and other minorities. It is infused with the dangers women and children face because they are women and children. It is infused with systemic and endemic poverty oppressing millions of people. It is infused with religious persecution and war that threaten us all. To say nothing of natural threats.

How—in this world—can anyone smile and sing, “What a wonderful world?”

If there is any truth to the gospel, and there is more than enough truth to the gospel, we can.

For starters, the one who gives us the gospel did not recuse himself from any of this world’s suffering and brutality. He entered it fully in order to redeem it. His succumbing to and enduring of death and his rising to life again performed and accomplished the one thing that can turn “black and blue” into “a wonderful world” again.

Yes, again. The world was wonderful to begin with; it was we who turned it black and blue. Now, in a way I don’t understand, Christ has redeemed the world, reconciling it to God and initiating restoration—though restoration is only underway and not yet fully realized.

So, there is the completed work of Christ, the empty tomb that enables us to look toward a wonderful world again, the new creation that is at once here and not yet here.

Then there is the ongoing work of Christ carried out in and through us in real time in this less-than-wonderful world. And because the work of Christ is ongoing in and through us, not only can we lean into the idea of a wonderful world, we must—but not with our heads in the sand.

We must acknowledge and face head on human brutality, such as what a white supremacist did to 11 Jews and their entire community, what a white supremacist did to two African-Americans in a grocery store, and what another individual did through the mail to high profile people and organizations. We must call these things what they are—evil—and the people who perpetrate them what they are—in need of redemption.

We must be ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:11-21) because if we follow Jesus we no longer live for ourselves but live for him, the Reconciler, who took in himself the thorns of this world in order to transform them into the crown of life.

Perhaps all of this sounds too pie-in-the-sky. Perhaps being like Jesus in this hostile world seems completely tone deaf. Perhaps it sounds too much like “What a Wonderful World” must have sounded like in 1967 when more than 100 race riots erupted in the United States and in 1968 during even more riots and the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.

Perhaps I really am out of my mind (2 Corinthians 5:13).

But as King put it: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

May Christ’s love compel us to sing darkness and hate out of this hurting world.

Eric Black is the executive director, publisher and editor of the Baptist Standard and a former pastor. He can be reached at eric.black@baptiststandard.com or on Twitter at @EricBlackBSP.

One of the most frequent conversations we have with churches has to do with finances and staff. With the majority of churches plateaued or declining, intense pressure often is brought to bear upon church staffing models.

With finances tight, congregations are being forced to think carefully about the number of professional staff members they require and can afford, along with the focus of those positions.

Staffing can be a difficult conversation to broach in a congregation, and so we often delay and deny the looming issues. Unfortunately, the conversation then erupts as a crisis at budget or transition time.

Proactively leaning into the conversation is a much healthier alternative.

Guiding thoughts for a more productive staffing conversation

As you consider your congregation’s situation, here are some guiding thoughts.

First, a church must clarify its mission, vision and strategy for its near and mid-future. Whatever we believe the kingdom is to look like in the coming season of our congregation’s life is what reigns supreme when it comes to facilities, staff, structures and finances. Such clarity is essential if we are to make wise and appropriate staffing choices.

There are multiple options for doing this clarification work. Choose one and pursue it with energy until you are clear and united around a shared agenda for the future.

A second key factor is the relationship between professional staff and laity. What is the leadership culture of the congregation? Some churches seemingly hire staff to do most of the work of the church. Others seek a more balanced ministry model of an engaged laity and ministerial leaders.

What if you made this choice deliberately rather than by tradition? If you were to balance the responsibility for ministry between laity and clergy, what would it look like?

Third, there are several helpful ways to analyze staffing expenditures and congregational attendance patterns.

Simple ways to measure the staffing needs of your congregation

One is to analyze your congregation’s budget and rebalance the budget so it fits generally accepted models for healthy operation. Break your budget into five categories: personnel, facilities, programs, debt and missions. Assign every line item in your budget to one of the categories. Hopefully, you are debt-free or paying down your debt using a parallel capital campaign.

Generally accepted best practices for healthy churches assign the following ranges to each of the categories. Keep in mind: These percentages are guidelines and need to be evaluated in terms of your context, congregation size and special circumstances.

Personnel        50-60 percent
Facilities          15-25 percent
Programs         10-15 percent
Missions         10-20 percent
Debt                0-5 percent

A key indicator of a healthy church is the combined percentage of personnel and facilities. When this number exceeds 75 percent, the ability of the congregation to engage successfully in ministry and missions begins to be impacted negatively.

Once you know your budget percentages, you can begin to make needed adjustments based on your ministry vision rather than emotionally in reaction to a crisis.

Another helpful metric is the ratio of weekly attenders to ministerial/professional staff. The generally accepted ratio for healthy churches is one ministerial staff member for every 100 regular attenders. Thus, if your congregation averages 325 attenders, the ratio suggests you can support three ministerial staff members.

This ratio has been around for many years and seems to hold up in current scenarios. However, attendance patterns are shifting dramatically. The frequency of attendance by regular attenders is dropping and may impact your ratio.

Do a quick check of the actual attendance habits of your congregation, and you will find that many of your most faithful, regular attenders often are present 35 to 40 Sundays a year. Not only does this have an impact on volunteer positions (class leadership, choir, etc.), it means a congregation actually must staff and prepare for a larger congregation than the weekly attendance average suggests you have.

Count the number of people who attend your church on a monthly basis rather than weekly. You may find an average weekly worship attendance of 300 actually may be an active congregation of 450-500, and that has implications for your staffing ratio.

However you choose to approach staffing, there are ways to evaluate your congregation’s staffing model that are tied to both metrics and mission. When you do, remember that each staff member is a real person with a real family and a real call to ministry. Any adjustments must be approached in a thoughtful, generous and Christ-like spirit as you move forward.

While church staffing is a difficult conversation, it is one we must have if we are to be good stewards of our resources and our witness.

Bill Wilson is the director of the Center for Healthy Churches, an organization devoted to improving the spiritual, emotional and organizational health of churches and ministers through coaching and consultation.

(RNS)—In recent months, sexual abuse and sexual assault have dominated conversations across the country. From politics to entertainment, sports to religion to education, no corner of our culture has found itself immune to controversy over allegations of sexual misconduct and abuse.

In many cases, the victims of sexual abuse and/or assault wait years to come forward with their story.

That’s led some to doubt the stories of victims. It’s also led to the trending hashtag #WhyIDidntReport—as women tell their stories of why they did not come forward earlier.

As a survivor of sexual assault, I want you to know why this occurs so often.

For those of you who are not familiar with my story, I was sexually assaulted by my youth pastor when I was 17. Though I reported the abuse to my associate pastor within 24 hours, the police were never contacted.

Before I had even finished telling my pastor all the details of my abuse, he interrupted me.

“So, you’re telling me you participated?” he asked. He then advised me not to speak with anyone else about what had happened.

I followed his advice for 20 years and kept silent.

Twenty years of silence finally broken

When I finally came forward in January 2018, one of the first things people said was, “Why did she wait so long?” Not only did people ask me this question constantly, they also used it to discredit me—as if the passage of time somehow negated my trauma.

While working toward my own healing, and in conversations with other survivors, I have learned about factors that can both consciously and subconsciously cause a victim to wait years to come forward. Though no two victims have had an identical experience, the passage of time before reporting abuse is quite common and normal. It takes great courage for survivors to speak about their experiences.

Reasons abuse survivors remain silent so long

One of the reasons it took me years to speak up was the intense and at times unbearable amount of shame I experienced as a result of my abuse.

Shame is humiliating and isolating. I felt disgusted with myself—dirty, unworthy and unlovable. This feeling led to self-doubt and blame. I began to question whether I might somehow be responsible for the actions of my abuser. These feelings only intensified after speaking with my pastor who insinuated I was culpable in my assault.

I also waited out of fear that no one would believe me. Not only was my abuser in a position of power and authority over me, but he was deeply loved by everyone in our church, adults and peers alike. What would happen if my abuser denied the truth? What would happen if he chose to minimize his actions and instead make me out to be the person to blame?

There I was, a 17-year-old girl already consumed with shame and self-doubt, trying to weigh the consequences of speaking out. Ultimately, I felt it was safer to remain quiet.

Many survivors choose to do the same. They stay silent because it is safer than speaking out. Survivors often fear retaliation from their abusers, which can manifest in different forms. Survivors might be afraid for their personal safety or that their abusers could threaten their financial stability. Coming forward could cause survivors to lose their jobs—or to be sued.

Survivors also fear the loss of personal relationships, both with others as well as with the perpetrator. If the abuser is a family member, close friend or trusted professional, the fear of losing that relationship can seem overwhelming despite the fact that person has caused you harm.

When allegations of sexual abuse are brought to the light, there’s often controversy as well.

People will take sides—and that can cause victims to be cut off from those they love. Victims often already feel isolated and ashamed because of the abuse. Coming forward can make that worse as friends and family withdraw from victims.

The trauma from abuse can and does have lasting and devastating effects.

Though it may be difficult for those who have never experienced sexual abuse to comprehend how and why a survivor might act and think differently than others, it is vital that we listen when survivors tell their stories.

Encouragement for men and women survivors of sexual abuse

To any other man or woman who has been a victim of sexual abuse, I would like to tell you that you matter and I believe you. What happened to you was not your fault. You deserve healing and an opportunity to live a life free from shame and fear.

If you’re reading this and you too have suffered in silence, I’d like to offer some words of advice.

Confide in someone you trust and seek out support. Working through trauma is painful and difficult, but opening up to others can be quite therapeutic, allowing for healing to begin.

Once you are in a safe place with a healthy support system, report the abuse to the proper legal authorities. I know this can be intimidating as there is often no guarantee that the abuser will be held accountable. But reporting to law enforcement will ensure that any investigation will be conducted by trained professionals. It will also begin a paper trail that can be crucial documentation for yourself or possible other victims.

As a naive young girl growing up in an environment full of patriarchy and purity culture, I would give anything to have known then what I know now.

If I could have a conversation with my younger self, I’d say, “You are strong, you are brave and your voice matters.”

If you’re reading this piece and have never been a victim of sexual abuse, I’d like to take a moment to recognize you too. Thank you for your willingness to hear what I have to say about a topic that’s not only controversial but oftentimes uncomfortable.

We cannot expect change unless we speak out.

We cannot be understood if no one is listening.

Jules Woodson is a Christian, mother, flight attendant, survivor and advocate. The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily represent those of Religion News Service.

This article is part of a series on child sexual abuse and the church:

• How widespread is the problem?
• Impact on children and youth
• Impact on adults
• The church’s responsibility to protect children
• Reporting and care after abuse occurs
• Prevention resources

Part 1 of this series considered the extent of child sexual abuse—how often does sexual abuse of children take place? The vast majority of experts on the matter agree sexual abuse of children is more extensive than most people realize, and, for a variety of reasons, a great deal of child abuse goes unreported.

Part 2 described a set of common indications that a child or teen may have been sexually abused.

How does sexual abuse impact adults?

Impact of sexual abuse on adults

Like children and youth, adults experience a range of affects from childhood sexual abuse. Some individuals work through their abuse and experience minimal current impact. Others are devastated by the abuse and deal with the ramifications of it every day of their adult lives. Still others grow as a result of the abuse, even becoming advocates or helpers for other victims of abuse.

Researchers Laura Murray, Amanda Nguyen and Judith Cohen point out in their article “Child Sexual Abuse” in the journal Child and Adolescents Psychiatric Clinics of North America that adult survivors of sexual abuse can experience health problems, may struggle with drugs and alcohol, face marriage and family relational challenges, and are at increased risk for future sexual victimization and high-risk sexual behaviors.

Commonly, victimized adults have strong feelings of shame, which can lead to feelings of embarrassment and of being exposed. Adult survivors often are quite secretive about their abuse histories, sometimes not even telling siblings, closest friends or spouses.

Adult survivors often struggle to trust others. This struggle to trust can show up in relationships with others who they do not know well and also can occur with loved ones and family members.

Mistrust of others can appear in the form of rigid relational boundaries—not allowing anyone to get very close and keeping others at a safe emotional distance. Thus, some survivors become quite self-sufficient, not allowing anyone to do anything for them.

Lack of trust can also show up in the survivor’s relationship with God. While others seem to trust God easily, adult abuse survivors may find trusting God extremely challenging.

Conversely, other adult survivors seem to function with absent relational boundaries. They trust others unwisely, allow others to invade their emotional and physical space, and have difficulty saying “no.”

Resilience & hope after being sexually abused?

After a number of devastating life circumstances, Joseph became a political and civic leader in Egypt. When he encountered his brothers, who launched his horrific journey by throwing him in a pit and selling him as a slave, Joseph said, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive” (Genesis 50:21, NASB).

Joseph emerged from his abusive past without bitterness, without seeking revenge and seeing a larger purpose God had for his life.

In recent years, childhood experts have begun talking about resilience, or a child’s ability to withstand and grow despite terrible circumstances and tough odds. Despite the potentially devastating effects of sexual abuse, many survivors—children and adults—still grow and thrive.

The phrase Post-Traumatic Growth has emerged recently to describe the result of many trauma survivors, who—as a result of their adversity—become strong, healthy and capable of helping others.

Many adult victims face their abuse, go through the process of healing from the wounds, and then turn to help others. These individuals often become powerful agents of healing and advocates for others who have been victimized.

Yes, there is hope—even in the midst of the toughest circumstances.

——-

Upcoming articles

• What is the responsibility of the church and church leadership to protect children from abuse, and how can churches do this most effectively?
• Who must report abuse, and how can churches help abuse victims and their families?
• What resources are available to churches and families to help prevent abuse and to help the family where abuse has already occurred?

Scott Floyd, Ph.D., LPC-S, LMFT, is a senior fellow and director of Counseling Programs at B.H. Carroll Theological Institute.

When a congregation welcomes a new pastor, it is an exciting time, a new beginning for both the congregation and the new minister. To maximize this new beginning, it is important to prepare spiritually, cognitively and emotionally for a new chapter.

Once a call to a new pastor is confirmed, there are a few things you can do to prepare personally and congregationally to follow a new spiritual leader:

1. Pray for your new pastor. In most of the churches I know, members pray for the pastor search team throughout the search process, and they pray for the pastor even before they know the identity of their new minister. And they pray for their new pastor in the pastor’s inaugural days of ministry. However, I suggest making a commitment to pray daily for your pastor throughout the duration of his or her ministry. Once the honeymoon period is over and the daily grind of ministry begins, praying for your pastor will strengthen your pastor’s ministry and will fortify your bond with your pastor.

2. Send your pastor a welcome note or email. Be careful not to make this correspondence a lengthy epistle, and certainly don’t make it a diatribe itemizing your personal expectations or agenda. Just offer a brief note, introducing yourself and/or family, and offering a heartfelt welcome. When I moved to my last pastorate, I received over 100 such notes, and these notes confirmed and intensified my excitement about my new place of service.

3. Mention your name on your first several encounters with your new pastor. Once your new pastor arrives, make sure to offer your name in each greeting for the first few weeks. Learning names is important for pastors. And be sure not to embarrass the pastor by quizzing, “Do you remember my name?” Give your pastor the opportunity to learn your name and, over time, to learn a part of your life story.

4. Embrace the uniqueness of your pastor. Your pastor has a distinct personality, a unique set of spiritual gifts and a diverse set of experiences. When the Spirit leads a church to a new pastor, the Spirit seldom leads a church or committee to a person just like the previous pastor or the beloved pastor from the church’s history. To compare your new pastor to any other is to disrespect the Spirit’s role in guiding you to your new pastor in the first place.

5. Be prepared to follow. A pastor who is worth his or her salt must lead in both optimal and challenging situations. And the kingdom of God is enriched when we as a congregation follow our pastor and embrace our mission with enthusiasm. As a veteran pastor, I am quite aware that there is a small minority of pastors who are “wolves in sheep’s clothing,” whose motives are deceptive and whose methods are manipulative, and they need to be held accountable. However, the vast majority of pastors I know provide proactive leadership that is Spirit-led and mission-focused. Don’t be a backseat driver. Serve with your best gifts.

6. Give your pastor permission to fail. The best pastors don’t succeed 100 percent of the time. A few weeks into one of my pastoral assignments, a sincere church member said to me, “I am glad you’re here. Every pastor I have had has disappointed me. I hope you never disappoint me.” I quickly countered, “Let me just disappoint you right now and get it out of the way. Like you, I am an imperfect human being who will make mistakes. But if we forgive one another as God has forgiven us, we will get along just fine.” I must admit, I think my response disappointed this well-intentioned member. Don’t hold your pastor to a standard of perfection that is impossible to maintain. Allow your minister room to make mistakes.

7. Speak positively about your pastor publicly and privately. One of the ways we bring out the best in our ministers is to speak well of them publicly and privately. With most pastors, it is easy to find something to criticize because every minister has weaknesses. “He is too loud.” “She is too soft-spoken.” “He uses big words I don’t understand.” “She is not a people person.” However, every pastor has more strengths than weaknesses. A healthy pastoral tenure is nurtured when we magnify around our pastor’s strengths, and then minimize and compensate for our pastor’s weaknesses.

Keep your pastor in perspective

There are many other ways to welcome your new pastor and to launch your pastor into an effective and healthy tenure. If you compare them to your favorite football coach and expect them to “win every game,” not only will you be disappointed, you will make your minister miserable and ultimately ineffective.

But if you receive your new pastor as a spiritual leader sent to encourage your faithfulness, challenge your presuppositions and bring out God’s best in you, the relationship between your pastor and your congregation will be vibrant and effective.

A few years ago, one of my colleagues and mentors, Hardy Clemons, reminded a group of us of the peculiar role of serving as a pastor:

“Our goal is to minister: it is not to show a profit, amass a larger financial corpus or grow bigger for our own security. The ultimate goals are to accept God’s grace, share the good news, invite and equip disciples and foster liberty and justice for all.”

And as church members, we are privileged to co-labor with our pastor in this transformative work of demonstrating grace, sharing the good news and equipping disciples.

The Center for Healthy Churches promotes healthy practices and relationships among clergy and congregations. For more information, click here.