The Apostle Paul is preparing to make a third visit to the church in Corinth. Prior to his visit, he writes to the church to try and begin the process of reconciliation. As we know from previous lessons, the relationship between Paul and those at Corinth is rocky; they have been critical of him and have failed to live up to the moral standards God has called them to and Paul had proclaimed to them. Paul wants to make the most of his upcoming visit, spending his time teaching and fellowshipping with the church instead of fighting.
The tone of 2 Corinthians 10-12 clearly is more confrontational, but Paul’s aim is unity and restoration. He wants to repair their relationship. Sometimes the only way to mend a relationship is through confrontation. These lesson passages are about Paul’s answer to his critics in Corinth. The emphasis is on principles for seeking to improve relationships that are lacking.
Life is full of sticky situations, at work, in family life and with friends—people annoy us, betray us and hurt us. When these situations arise, difficult conversations need to be had, but many times we let the relationship languish rather than confront the issues.
When Paul faces difficulty with the church at Corinth, he does not clam up. He refuses to give up. He does not chicken out or back down. He remains engaged with the Corinthians despite the difficulty. He believes their relationship is more important than his pride or his comfort level. Some in Corinth accuse Paul of being a coward; they say he only is bold in his letters. Paul basically says, “I do not want to take a hard line when I am with you, but I will if I have to.” Then, he proceeds to lay it all out on the table. He does not hold back.
The Corinthians accuse Paul of pulling a “bait and switch.” In the beginning, when Paul plants the church at Corinth he does not take any money from them for support. But later he asks them to contribute to the offering for those in need in Jerusalem. They agreed, but now, some among them believe that Paul manipulated them. They fear that maybe he is going to skim some of the money from the offering for himself.
In response, Paul writes, “Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you because what I want is not your possessions but you” (2 Corinthians 12:14). Paul assures them he is not after their pocketbooks, but their very lives. He longs for them to turn their lives over to Christ.
Paul then, describes how he sees himself as their spiritual parent. I am 34 years old; I have not lived with my parents in 15 years, but they still are my parents. I still call them for advice, and usually, if we go out to dinner, they pay. I do not ask them to or even expect them to, but once a parent always a parent, right?
As David Garland puts it, “Parents are the benefactors who give their children life, and from infancy on, give them all that is needed for them to grow and survive.”
Paul sees himself as the Corinthians spiritual parent. As such, he feels responsible for them. Yet, to him it seems that the more he loves them and pours himself out on their behalf, the less they seem to love and honor him in return. Have they become spoiled children, children who no longer receive with gratitude the gifts that come from their parents, but children who feel entitled?
They are unappreciative and as such, Paul insists they have failed in their duty to honor and love him, by allowing slander against him and by failing to defend him. Paul fears his next visit with them will just add insult to injury. But his feared humiliation is not that he will be slandered again, but that the disarray and disobedience of their church will disgrace him. Paul believes that as their founding pastor, he is accountable to God for their maturity.
Paul’s feeling is not unlike a parent whose child ends up addicted to drugs or in jail. The parent feels responsible. Their child’s behavior reflects poorly on them. Paul fears God will conclude his work has been in vain. So, he writes to encourage them to mature in their faith. He handles their difficult relationship with straightforward confrontation.
How do we handle difficult relationships? Following Paul’s example first, we act out of love and not pride. Paul longs to see the Corinthians become the mature, united community he believes them to be. He writes out of love for them and for God.
When we deal with difficult relationships, we too must act out of love. Second, when necessary, we should confront the issue. Not in an inflammatory way, but as Paul did, we lay out the facts, without embellishment. Finally, we stand ready to forgive. We have to be willing to bury the hatchet and let go of our grievance.
When we seek to improve our relationships with others by confronting issues, we need to remember the relationship is much more valuable than winning the argument or proving our point.
This was Abraham Lincoln’s goal during the Civil War. His goal was not limited to winning war and leading the North to victory. He recognized that Southerners were American’s too. He would say in his second inaugural address, “With malice toward none and charity toward all … let us bind up this nation’s wounds.”
Paul’s goal was not to win an argument with the Corinthians. We all know that sometimes a person can win an argument and lose the relationship. Instead, in humility, we confront the issue and seek to bring about reconciliation.
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