Posted: 4/16/04
Some teens cut themselves to block
out emotional pain, counselor says
By George Henson
Staff Writer
DALLAS–Teenagers in church youth groups may be cutting themselves to relieve emotional pain, a counselor recently warned North Texas youth ministers.
Cutting and other forms of self-mutilation cause physical pain that teens can deal with, blocking out emotional hurt they feel unable to handle, counselor Carrie Beaird told youth ministers at a recent seminar sponsored by Dallas Baptist Association at Lakeside Baptist Church in Dallas.
Typical cutting items include razors, safety pins, wall tacks, knives or other sharp kitchen utensils, paper clips, pencil lead, watch or belt clasps and even the wire from spiral notebooks, she noted.
Teens start cutting in a variety of ways. They may accidentally cut themselves the first time, may get so angry they cut themselves and find they like the sensation, or may hear about it from a friend. But for some, it becomes a compulsion they seem unable to resist.
Some say it is as if someone else's hand is doing the cutting and they have no control to stop it, Beaird said.
“Some cut to make sure they are alive,” she said. “They are in so much pain they feel dead and want to make sure they are alive. If it hurts and they bleed, they must be alive.”
More than half the youth ministers attending the seminar said they had firsthand contact with youth who cut themselves.
An obsessive-compulsive disorder such as cutting is hard for most people to fathom, Beaird admitted.
“If you understand it, you probably have it,” she said.
Most cutters are secretive about it with adults, but they generally are not as shy with friends.
“When you have one cutter, you're going to have a cluster,” she said.
“If someone is getting attention by cutting themselves, others are going to try it. So not all kids who cut themselves are OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Some just want to get attention or be a part of the group.”
School classes and church youth groups can become cutting clusters, she noted.
For most, the fascination with cutting wanes. But teens with obsessive-compulsive disorder usually are not able to quit without help.
“Some try it because they hear it helps fight off this emotional pain, but after once or twice, say, 'This is dumb' and quit. Others go home from school every day and cut themselves.”
Cutters usually cut their arms and legs so the cuts can be covered up with clothing. Girls, who seem to be more prone to cutting, also sometimes cut their breasts.
“If you see long sleeves during the middle of August, that could be a hint,” Beaird pointed out.
While the cuts are not usually deep, they are deep enough to cause bleeding and scarring. Some use the scars to make pictures or words.
At the cutting stage, most are not suicidal. The cuts are used as a release from pain, but “eventually it gets to the point of what is the kid going to do next,” Beaird said. It's also possible for the cut to go deeper than anticipated and for accidental death or serious injury to occur.
“If you find out a student is cutting, you have to tell the parents. Teenagers who are using sharp objects to cut themselves are obviously a danger to themselves,” she cautioned.
Also, unlike some other things a youth minister might need to share with parents, such as drug or alcohol use, “this is really easy to prove. Just say, 'Roll up your sleeves.'”
Cutting is a real problem on many college campuses “because Mom and Dad aren't there to see,” said Beaird, a former college campus minister.
Sometimes the teenager who seems to be "perfect" is cutting. "Kids can look perfect on the outside, but they often are looking for a secret–cutting can be that secret," Beaird said.
Toxic shame, an overwhelming feeling that not only are they bad people, but they never can be fixed, is a common trait of cutters, she added.
“Often it's not about anything they did, but just the way they feel about themselves,” she said.
“Ask them for 20 things that are good about themselves, and they honestly can't do it.
“They don't see anything good about themselves. They just see themselves as bad.
Eighty percent of teenagers and college students will experience toxic shame at some point, she noted.
“Some for a few months, and some will carry it on into adulthood,” she said.
Warning signs that a child, adolescent or teen may be a candidate to begin cutting herself include always feeling she is bad, hitting herself or banging her head on the walls.
“It's about a kid's belief system–that they are bad and that nothing is going to change that,” she said.
Youth ministers and parents can help by giving positive feedback and reminding teens they are loved and will not be abandoned, no matter what.
If they know that the people closest to them are going to love them unconditionally and see them as having value, they can begin to have hope, Beaird emphasized.
Hope that things can be better is central to treatment, she said.
“Once a kid believes there is hope, a lot of them will participate in their treatment. They will tell you, 'These are the things I like to cut myself with,'” she said.
Treatment involves talking to discover root causes of self-esteem issues, removing sharp objects and prescribing medication, which generally takes 14 to 21 days to become effective.
Family and friends can help by educating themselves about the disorder, making sure the child gets treatment, working with the therapist to safely diminish the compulsion and staying positive.
Youth ministers also can play a part in the process.
“Let them know: 'I'm not going any place. I'm going to be here for you.'
“Often times that will give the young person the strength and encouragement they need to get started with the healing process,” Beaird said.
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