Posted: 2/17/06

Unrealistic expectations cause stress for ministerial families

By Ken Walker

Special to the Baptist Standard

TUCSON, Ariz.—As a Baptist pastor’s spouse for more than 30 years, Julie Barrier has a firsthand perspective on the stress facing ministers’ families. So when her daughter, Brianna, helped complete a survey of 4,000 pastor’s families while a student at Baylor University, the findings were no surprise to her.

The survey identified four leading causes of stress for pastors and their families—unrealistic expectations, lack of time, finances and health issues.

“They were absolutely right on,” she said. “The other thing, for pastors of smaller churches, is the feeling of isolation—that there’s no place they can go that’s safe. It’s hard, but essential, to cultivate relationships for their children outside of church.”

In Barrier’s case, she deals with twin pressures as both the wife of the pastor of Casas Church in suburban Tucson and as the church’s music leader.

The top source of stress noted in the Baylor study was expectations, whether from family members, congregation members, self or God.

Church members especially feel they have a right to communicate their expectations to the pastor’s children, Barrier said. She recalled when her then-8-year-old daughter returned to the cookie table at a church fellowship event. A woman told her: “You’d better put that cookie back. We don’t want chubby pastor’s children.”

Many spouses can relate to such comments. At a recent workshop during a pastor-spouse retreat in Kentucky, Barrier said, unrealistic expectations were a major complaint of attendees, as were concerns for their children.

“I think having children feeling wounded by a church member was something they really wanted to deal with—(learning) how to comfort their children and get them past some of the hurt,” she said.

In addition, lack of personal and leisure time creates concern for pastoral families.

One major eruption in the Barriers’ marriage came early in their pastorate at Casas, when her husband, Roger, didn’t take a day off for three years. As they finally prepared for a weekend getaway in Phoenix, a deacon called to ask for a ride so he could pick up his car at a repair shop there.

Barrier vividly remembered sitting in backseat and crying during the 100-mile trip, but it took 15 years before she and her husband discussed the rift. She finally told him about the complex emotions she felt, starting with his spending so much time at church and not enough with family. In turn, he apologized and asked for forgiveness.

“One of the things we teach is if there’s a really big hurt, the apology needs to be commensurate with the hurt,” Barrier said. “If you have a gallon worth of hurt, a pint-sized apology is not going to do it.”

Financial stress is another problem that besets pastors’ families, often because of forced moves or other circumstances.

Barrier referred to missionary friends overseas who work in Islamic countries. Recently, their middle-school-aged daughter asked, “Mom, if God is a good God, why does he make me wear hand-me-downs?”

“The other extreme is the pastor’s family that is expected to dress to the nines and set church fashion trends on a shoestring budget,” Barrier said. “Can’t we go to the grocery store without makeup when we want to?”

Health stress includes physical, emotional, spiritual and mental; she noted that GuideStone Financial Resources ranks pastors in the top three insurance risks for health problems.

Many spouses also carry the burden of working to make ends meet while serving full time in church ministries, Barrier said.

Addressing these problems calls for understanding that people are alone and God instituted three divine relationships to fill that need—marriage, family and the church, she said. With the latter, the goal is to create a community where aloneness needs can be met through loving relationships.

“The real issue is: Do you have a dysfunctional church and are you willing to stay long enough at the church to change the culture so it is functional?” she said. “It doesn’t happen in two years. It happens in five or 10 years.”

Barrier thinks the pastor has to lead in teaching people how to create loving relationships where hurts are acknowledged and forgiven.

The pastor also must help the congregation understand others’ needs for acceptance, appreciation and approval, she said.

When such values are taught, modeled and instilled by both pastor and church leaders, God’s grace will help change how people relate to each other, Barrier insisted.

“Teaching them how to identify and meet needs is important,” she said. “If your people get in touch with that, they’re not going to make (hurtful) remarks.”

Posted: 2/17/06

EDITORIAL: Baylor’s atmosphere: Faith & learning?

This edition of the Baptist Standard includes a package of stories that deliver a message to everyone who thinks the dispute over the future of Baylor University ended with the resignation of former President Robert Sloan: Think again.

Sloan stepped down last summer after more than two years of controversy over his leadership. Interim President Bill Underwood exerted a mediating influence. Morale on campus improved dramatically. New President John Lilley received the regents’ endorsement because of his solid reputation as a reconciler and consensus builder. Also, since he lived his entire adult life far from Waco, he didn’t have a bear in this fight.

Still, the struggle continues. It focuses on “faith and learning”: How does a Christian—in this case Baptist—university integrate the essence of its biblical and theological foundation into its myriad academic disciplines? Baylor historically has adopted the “atmospheric” model, which affirms the Christian/ Baptist ethos of the university without expecting professors to discuss Christian ideas or principles in every class. Atmospheric advocates note the Christian character of Baylor is pervasive and compelling. They rest their case on more than 150 years of history. Detractors point to other universities founded on the atmospheric model, such as Harvard and Yale, which slid into secularism. They endorse the “integration of faith and learning” model, which mandates a more overt application of Christianity in the classroom. By infusing faith into every area of learning, they contend, Baylor can maintain its distinctive Christian character, even in the face of trends toward secularism. Atmospheric advocates warn the integration approach leads to legalism, thwarts academic freedom, and will destroy Baylor’s Baptist identity and lead to the university’s fall from grace as a respected institution of learning. (See Ken Camp’s articles, which begin on page 12.)

The most recent flashpoint in this debate has been a set of papers prepared by a trio of Baylor professors and presented at the Vatican. The presentations by Michael Beaty, Douglas Henry and Scott Moore are, as you would expect, scholarly and complicated. Presupposing the importance of integrating faith and learning, they take an affirming stance toward the Roman Catholic system of higher education and call on Baptists to take a more ecumenical/accepting posture toward the Roman Catholic Church. This issue flared more recently when a pro-Sloan Baylor regent, Joe Armes, endorsed the professors’ position, and a couple of well-known Texas Baptist educator/ministers, Russell Dilday and Raymond Bailey, wrote papers opposing them.

The situation is ripe with irony.

Supporters of Beaty, Henry and Moore claim they have been attacked in ways similar to how Southern Baptist Convention seminary professors were attacked by fundamentalists in the 1970s, ’80s and ’90s. Meanwhile, the authors of the papers that oppose their view were themselves victims of those very fundamentalist attacks—Dilday was fired as president of Southwestern Seminary, and Bailey left the faculty of Southern Seminary in the wake of the fundamentalist takeover.

Detractors of Beaty, Henry and Moore claim their approach would lead the university toward fundamentalism. Meanwhile, the three professors are members of pro-Baptist General Convention of Texas, pro-Coopera-tive Baptist Fellowship churches—two of the most nonfundamentalist congregations in the state. Henry’s pastor is a woman. The profs point out that, while they endorse a closer walk with Roman Catholicism, they don’t offer blanket affirmation of all Roman Catholic dogma, hierarchy and conformity.

That said, they are naive to expect their critique would not be met with criticism. The Roman Catholic system they affirm often looks eerily like the fundamentalist structure that overtook the SBC seminaries, expunged academic freedom and, in the end, disavowed their essential Baptist character. No wonder, then, that Baptists scarred by the theological/political battles of the past quarter-century would resist instinctively.

Advocates of faith-and-learning integration share an honorable passion to resist the slippery slope of secularism. But, with Baylor, the atmospheric advocates also hold two strong points: Baylor’s model of education has enabled the university to flourish for generations and even provides secure, significant space for faculty like Beaty, Henry and Moore, who hold another view. Also, the polar-opposite of secularism, fundamentalism, has choked academic freedom at schools Texas Baptists know and once loved. And nobody who loves Baylor wants that for their university.

Posted: 2/17/06

DOWN HOME: Phil Strickland: Friend & guide

Many of us—God only knows the number, but it is huge—lost a friend who felt more like a brother last week.

Although his spirit remained strong and effervescent until the end, Phil Strickland finally lost his longtime battle with cancer.

As I write these words of love and grief, I realize countless others could write them, too. Phil made an intensely personal, unique and Christlike mark on our lives.

For the past decade, I looked to Phil as folks look to an older brother. We actually met about a quarter-century ago, but we became fast friends after I arrived back home in Texas just over 10 years ago.

By then, Phil had worked at the Texas Baptist Christian Life Commission almost 30 years. He knew this state inside-out. Since I’d been away almost 20 years, he helped me reorient myself to the Texas landscape. I’ve done my job at the Standard better because Phil helped me understand Texas Baptist nuances.

But all that, important as it is, seemed beside the point. With Phil, the point was we had a chance to share an amazing journey to which Christ had called us. We had an opportunity and responsibility to channel our gifts and blessings and time and talent to make this state we loved a better place by making it a more gracious place for the weakest members of our society.

Sometimes, Phil turned his prodigious energy and resources to strengthening just one Christian brother—me.

If you’ve paid attention to Baptist happenings during the past decade, you know we’ve been through hard times. And editing a Baptist newspaper through these years of difficulty hasn’t always been a fun-and-fulfilling calling. Many times, it plain hurt.

Phil seemed to have a radar for my pain and knew when to reach out. I don’t hunt, so Phil and I didn’t spend time on a deer lease, as others did. But Phil and I both liked breakfast, and we spent time together eating pancakes and drinking coffee. And I spent time listening to Phil’s stories and thinking about his dreams for Texas Baptists—traditional, mainstream, progressive Christians, free from dominion and empowered to do God’s work and follow God’s path, wherever that leads.

Phil never exactly said, “Don’t quit; don’t give up.” But he kept me going. He kept me going by smiling and laughing and working hard in the face of cancer. By casting vision for a day he never would see. By believing I could do the job God called me to do, letting me know he was proud of me, cared for me, pulled alongside me.

I almost didn’t tell you this, because I don’t want you to think that I think I had a “special” relationship with Phil. That’s what’s so amazing—I am legion. Hundreds of Phil’s friends can tell similar tales. He wasn’t a large man, but his love was big enough to embrace us all.

Imagine this: Heaven is a more energetic, purposeful place. Phil has arrived. And we who share his legacy continue here with purpose and conviction. Phil showed us how.

Marv Knox

Posted: 2/17/06

7 principles for churches to be multiracial

WACO—Seven principles characterize successful multiracial congregations, according to studies conducted by sociologist and author George Yancey.

Yancey, who has written a book titled One Body, One Spirit: Seven Principles of Successful Multiracial Churches, described those principles during the “Becoming a Racially Reconciled Church & Community” conference sponsored by Mission Waco.

Those principles are:

1. Inclusive worship.

“We identify ourselves racially by the way we worship,” Yancey said, noting racially distinctive elements of worship transcend music to include preaching style, the way the worship service is organized and interior décor of church buildings.

Successful multiracial churches typically adopt one of three worship practices—a “totally new worship style,” alternating styles from Sunday to Sunday, and “blend it all together,” with multiple racial elements in each service.

2. Diverse leadership.

These churches have “clergy and/or laity leadership that reflect the makeup or desired makeup of the congregation,” he said.

“This communicates acceptance of the numerical minority groups,” he said. “It also allows the head pastor to learn about other racial groups.”

3. An overarching goal.

This is “a nonracial goal, which is easier to meet if the congregation becomes multiracial,” Yancey explained.

Potential goals include desired results in evangelism, community service and translating the gospel into meeting societal needs, he said, noting multiracial churches can meet these goals in many communities far better than single-race congregations.

4. Intentionality.

“You have to think about it,” he said of racial integration in churches.

Churches that are expressly intentional about racial diversity communicate their willingness to go out of their way to become multiracial, think about what will be necessary to achieve that goal and find the motivation to reach out to various races.

5. Personal skills.

These include sensitivity to different needs of different races, patience to deal with transitions, willingness to empower people of other races, and the ability to relate well to people of different races.

6. Location.

“The vast majority of multiracial churches are located in the inner city or in racially diverse areas,” he said. “Suburban churches (often) are seen as rejection of minorities” since many suburbs developed because of “white flight” from racially diverse urban neighborhoods.

“Suburban multiracial churches are almost all led by nonwhite pastors,” he reported.

7. Adaptability.

Successful multiracial churches can “anticipate new challenges and/or adapt to unanticipated issues as they come up,” he said. These include difficulties of assimilating people who speak different languages; dealing with “interracial romance,” especially among the church’s teenagers; and processing secular political and social issues without splintering the congregation.

Posted: 2/17/06

ON THE MOVE

• D.F. Barrett has resigned as pastor of First Church in Eddy to become associate pastor of First Church in Hewitt.

• Brandon Blagg has resigned as pastor of Olin Church in Hico.

• Michael Brinkley to First Church in Flower Mound as preschool/children’s minister.

• Jason Chism to First Church in Gladewater as minister of music and worship from First Church in Eddy.

• Art Clodfelter has resigned as pastor of Sandbranch Church in Big Foot.

• Miguel Contreras to Primera Iglesia in Plainview as pastor.

• Allan Cox has completed an interim minister of music stint at Holly Brook Church in Hawkins and is available for supply music work at (903) 849-4857.

• Jerry Davis has resigned as youth minister at First Church in Hico.

• Blake Edwards has resigned as student minister at First Church in Wimber-ley.

• Darrell Fischbeck has resigned as youth minister at First Church in Blanco.

• Louis Haak to Community Church in China Spring as minister of education.

• Robert Ingram to Cornerstone Church in Caddo Mills as pastor.

• E.J. Kearney has returned to Texarkana from Florida and is available for supply and interim pastorates.

• Junior Lanmon has resigned as minister of music at Pleasant Valley Church in Jonesboro.

• Palmer McCown to First Church in Abilene as pastor for senior adults.

• Larry McIntire to Friendship Church in Ennis as pastor.

• Tim Neely to Midway Church in Springtown as pastor.

• Heath Peloquin to Brighton Park Church in Corpus Christi as pastor.

• Velma Porraz to Primera Iglesia in Dallas as minister of adults.

• Howard Rhoades to Grand Community Church in Surprise, Ariz., as pastor from First Church in Dimmitt.

• Bryan Richardson to Riverwood Church in Corpus Christi as pastor.

• Danny Shaver has resigned as pastor of Pioneer Church in Valley View.

• Chad Shira to McKinney Street Church in Denton.

• Ron Shuffield to Ridgemont Church in Abilene as pastor.

• Eddie Singleton to Paradise Church in Caddo Mills as pastor.

• Ray Sullins to Midway Church in Dayton as pastor.

• Steven Taylor has resigned as pastor of Pearl Church in Gatesville.

• Terry Wright to First Church in Yantis as student minister.

Posted: 2/17/06

Posted: 2/15/06
Family Bible Series for Feb. 26

Have faith that God knows what he’s doing

• Jeremiah 32:6-9, 27-30, 37-41

By Donald Raney

Westlake Chapel, Graham

Serving God involves participating in God’s plans to draw the world back into a proper relationship with him. By nature, these plans are vast in scope.

Often as individuals serve in the ministries to which they feel called, they cannot see how their seemingly small part fits into or contributes to the greater purpose. Our vision is limited to our particular situation and surroundings.

Sometimes God may call us to do something that seems to contradict our perception of the circumstances. To some, it may even seem God simply does not know what is going on, or he would not make such a request.

It is at these times we need to remember God stands in a position to have an infinitely more panoramic view of what he is doing. Although we may not understand why, we simply need to carry through with our part, knowing that it will fit into God’s overall plan—a plan we will understand one day.

Jeremiah 32:6-9

The situation was desperate for the Israelites. The Babylonians were coming to destroy Jerusalem and take the remaining citizens into exile.

Jeremiah remained under house arrest. For years, he had declared the message of God’s coming judgment on the people. The people stubbornly had refused to listen to him, choosing instead to believe the false prophets who said God never would allow Jerusalem to be conquered. Now the opportunity for repentance had passed, and God was sending his judgment.

In Jeremiah 32:1-5, Jeremiah tells the king the Babylonians are coming and resisting them will mean death. God had determined the king would stand before the king of Babylon soon.

God then instructs Jeremiah to do something that might well seem futile or foolish in light of this coming destruction. God tells Jeremiah his cousin is coming to ask Jeremiah to buy a piece of land so it might stay in the family.

Two questions immediately come to mind. First, why would the cousin assume Jeremiah had the means to purchase land? As a very unpopular prophet, Jeremiah likely had not had any source of income. We are left to assume that perhaps his father had left him a substantial inheritance. Second, why would Jeremiah buy land if the Babylonians were about to conquer and take the people into exile? Such an act certainly would seem to run contrary to the message Jeremiah had been delivering.

Why would God make such a request of his prophet? Although these questions were running through his mind, Jeremiah obeyed God’s call and purchased the property from his cousin.

Jeremiah 32:27-30

Jeremiah 32:10-14 describes the process Jeremiah went through in purchasing his cousin’s land. These proceedings follow closely the legal requirements for making the sale of land a legally binding agreement. Jeremiah is carrying out this transaction in a business-as-usual manner.

Someone viewing this scene might easily forget the Babylonian army was on the horizon. Yet this fact could not escape Jeremiah’s constant thoughts. Jeremiah could not avoid the nagging question of why God would ask him to do this.

Thus in verses 16-25, Jeremiah prays to God. He recounts the history of the people that has brought them to this time of judgment and then, without asking a question, requests that God explain why he has just bought property soon to be under Babylonian control.

God responds to Jeremiah by first addressing any unexpressed questions or concerns Jeremiah might harbor. In verse 27, God, in the form of a question, reminds his prophet nothing is too difficult for God to handle. God is aware of the circumstances and how his request might appear. What might be seen as an unusual or illogical request based on circumstances is well within God’s ability to work out within his plans.

God then continues by reaffirming the truthfulness and immanent fulfillment of the judgment Jeremiah has been proclaiming for almost 40 years. God is indeed preparing to hand over Jerusalem and all of its inhabitants to the Babylonians. God’s anger had been provoked because the people had not done as God instructed. They had not done their part in fulfilling their divine calling.

Jeremiah 32:37-41

Seeing that Jeremiah still had questions, God revealed to him the reason for telling Jeremiah to buy the family land. The day would come when God’s anger would be satisfied, and he would gather his people back to himself in the Promised Land. God would again establish them in the land as his people, and he would be their God. God would renew an everlasting covenant with them and would rejoice over them.

Jeremiah’s act of purchasing the land was a sign this return would happen. Just as Jeremiah had faith the judgment would come, his purchase of land demonstrated his confidence in God’s promise of a return. Although the land would be controlled by the Babylonians for a time, the land one day again would be the possession of the restored nation of Israel.

The lesson God taught Jeremiah so many years ago still holds true for us today. Although we may not understand why God calls us to certain actions or see his greater plan, the faith we have that God holds an intentional view of time and space should motivate us to move ahead in carrying out God’s call and to do our part in fulfilling his greater purposes.

Discussion questions

• Has God ever asked you to do something that seemed to be unusual or illogical? What happened?

• How can we go about seeing the “big picture” of God’s plans and our part in them?

• What lessons can we learn about prayer in Jeremiah 32?