Don’t ignore date violence, youth ministers told

Updated: 3/15/07

Don't ignore date violence, youth ministers told

By George Henson

Staff Writer

DALLAS—Abuse and violence in dating relationships is too prevalent to ignore, a gathering of youth ministers learned at a workshop at Lakeside Baptist Church in Dallas.

Representatives from

“Dating violence affects all types of people—all races, all ages and all economic groups,” said Eric May of Brighter Tomorrows.

While men can likewise be sexually assaulted, women are six times more likely to be victimized.

“Sexual assault is any type of sexual activity that you don’t agree to,” said Robin Reed, another Brighter Tomorrows educator.

Warning signs that the relationship may not be healthy include jealousy and possessive behavior; making all the decisions; frightening and unpredictable behavior; a history of violence; pressure to do things; abuse of drugs and alcohol; blaming; a history of bad relationships; a belief that men are to be in total control; warnings from friends and family; and relationships that become quickly intense.

“Sexual assault is not about lust. It’s about power and control,” Reed said.

Statistics show that 250,000 youth are sexually assaulted in Texas each year.

Many are surprise to find that 73 percent of sexual assault victims are victimized by someone they know, she continued.

The adolescent sexual assault curriculum provided by the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault puts those numbers even higher for teens. The curriculum purports that 56 percent are assaulted on a date, 30 percent by a friend, 11 percent by a boyfriend, and only three percent by someone they don’t know.

The curriculum goes on to state that 78 percent of victims tell their parents, but only five to six percent call law enforcement authorities.

Youth ministers were counseled to be prepared to learn that someone in their youth group has been a victim of sexual assault.

The proper responses include making them feel safe, remind them to preserve evidence and help them get health services immediately. Also, remind the victims they are not at fault, that they are not alone and that, in time, they will heal.

Many victims wonder if they somehow caused their attack, but Reed said consent is a very definite thing.

“Consent is defined by words or overt actions indicating a freely given permission to perform a particular sexual act. It is not a failure to resist or the absence of a ‘no.’ It is the presence of a ‘yes,’” she said.