BaptistWay Bible Series for May 28: A parentâs worst nightmare
Posted: 5/17/06
BaptistWay Bible Series for May 28
A parent’s worst nightmare
• 2 Samuel 13:20-21, 30-33; 14:25-15:10; 18:6-15, 33
By Joseph Matos
Dallas Baptist University, Dallas
2 Samuel’s record of the fallout following David’s sin against Uriah and Bathsheba brings the trifecta of bad parenting by otherwise exceptional leaders to completion.
Recall Eli. He was a good priest and judge over Israel, even serving as mentor to young Samuel. Despite that, his two sons were corrupt (1 Samuel 2).
Then Samuel grew up and was a model judge and priest as well. He even went on to anoint the first two kings of Israel. Yet, like Eli before him, he could not control his own sons. In fact, one of the reasons the people of Israel clamored for a king was the prospect of Samuel’s sons succeeding him (1 Samuel 8:1-6).
Now we see David. He would go down in history as Israel’s model king because of his devotion to Yahweh. However, with respect to his relationship with his children, he followed in the footsteps of Eli and Samuel. They were as ineffective in their private family lives as they were effective in their public ministries. Such incongruence is beyond explanation.
Ironically, Saul, ineffective as a leader, was the father of Jonathan, one of the most loyal and trustworthy people in the Old Testament. That is equally difficult to explain.
In his rebuke of David after the Bathsheba/Uriah incident, Nathan declared to him the consequences (2 Samuel 12:10-12, 14). First, “the sword will never depart from your house” (v. 10). Second, the Lord said through Nathan, “Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you” (v. 11). Third, if that were not enough, the Lord continued: one who was close to David would take David’s wives and sleep with them out in the open. The Lord remarked: “You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel” (vv. 11-12).
On hearing this, David confessed his sin. As a result, Nathan assured him the Lord had taken away his sin, and his life would be spared. But because David’s actions resulted in utter contempt for the Lord, the son conceived from the union between David and Bathsheba would die (vv. 13-14).
David was forgiven, but the consequences were not removed. The son soon died. From there, without specifying which action corresponded to which prediction, 2 Samuel 13-19 report the fulfillment of the above declarations.
Amnon and Tamar
The first incident illustrating the chaotic situation in David’s household was Amnon’s rape of Tamar (chapter 13). She was Absalom’s full sister, but Amnon’s half-sister. Amnon lusted after her for some time before finally deceiving her and taking her to bed. Absalom offered words of comfort and then took her into his own home. Still, Tamar was “a desolate woman” (v. 20). David became “furious” (v. 21), but apparently did nothing else about it.
This mirrors the actions of many parents. Because of their own mistakes, they feel ill-equipped or hypocritical in bringing correction to their children. Does this explain David’s lack of response?
Absalom and Amnon
Though he took a long time to act (two years), Absalom finally exacted revenge on Amnon for his violation of Tamar. His ploy was to get David and his sons, including Amnon, to attend a festival he was hosting. David refused to go but blessed him and, at Absalom’s pleadings, permitted Amnon to attend. David was protective of Amnon since he was the heir apparent. Absalom’s men subsequently struck down Amnon at his orders. David’s other sons fled.
When the report of Amnon’s death got back to David, Absalom fled.
Absalom and David
What followed the next several years was division between Absalom and David. Absalom lived in virtual exile. After two years, seeming reconciliation between them ensued. But it was a tense reunion. Absalom had returned; but he used this as opportunity to undermine the authority of his father. He campaigned at the city gate to hear the peoples’ cases, stating no representative of David was available to do so. After two more years, Absalom gained the affection of the people of Israel and organized a coup (2 Samuel 14:25-15:10).
This time, David fled. He fled with his officials and his household, but he left his concubines behind (15:14-16). Ahithophel, longtime advisor to David, defected to Absalom’s side. Ahithophel then advised Absalom to sleep with the concubines David left behind. Absalom followed the advice, sleeping with the women in a tent pitched on the roof of the palace. By this act, he communicated to Israel that he had successfully replaced David (16:15-22) and fulfilled in literal fashion Nathan’s prophecy to David.
Absalom’s Death
All this culminated in a final battle between the armies of David and Absalom. David’s troops were roundly winning the battles when, in a freakish moment, Absalom’s hair caught in some tree branches. Joab and his men identified Absalom and killed him, ignoring David’s prior orders to take him alive (18:5-15).
Joab sent word to David of the “victory.” However, what others believed to be a victory because David’s kingdom was preserved, David interpreted as defeat. Recall his sorrowful response: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!” (v. 33).
David had won back his kingdom, but at what price? He lost his son.
Fortunately for David, another son, Solomon, would give him opportunity to redeem himself.
Discussion questions
• Where did David go wrong? Could he have prevented any or all of the problems in his family?
• What could David have done to rectify the situation with his children?
• What price has your family paid for your achievements, as good and honorable as they may be?
• How do you balance ministry (work) and foster a healthy family life?
• Does doing all the right things guarantee your children will be faithful?
• When is it too late for a parent to make things right with a child?
• Could Paul have had the incidents of 1 and 2 Samuel in mind when he penned the qualifications for overseers? Read 1 Timothy 3:4-5.