Cyber Column by Brett Younger: Kind things to say to clueless people

Posted: 11/04/05

CYBER COLUMN:
'Anybody could have done it,' 'It really is confusing' & other kind things to say to clueless people

By Brett Younger

I’m not sure how this happened. This is so not me. In August when I received my car registration renewal I immediately sent it in. I was pleased to receive my sticker well before the expiration date. 

That’s when the story gets fuzzy. As best I can reconstruct it, I inexplicably scraped off the sticker that looked most like the one that I had received in the mail and replaced it, without recognizing that I now had two registration stickers and no inspection sticker.

(If you have done this, it would be nice if you would let me know. I will not tell anyone except my wife, Carol, as she seems to need evidence that I’m not the only one this foolish.)

I realized my mistake, but it took a while. I stared at my windshield in disbelief for a long time. Later that morning, I pulled in to the “In-N-Out Lube” and tried to explain, “The goofiest thing happened.”

Jerry, my mechanic, gently interrupted: “It certainly did. Anybody could have done it. It really is confusing. We get at least three or four of these a week.”

John, the smirking teenager standing behind Jerry, did not seem to agree that anybody could have done it or that it’s really confusing. John was more of the opinion that it takes a special brand of ineptitude to scrape off your inspection sticker and replace it with a second registration.

I handed Jerry my receipt from two months earlier (at least I’m an idiot who saves receipts) and he graciously said, “We don’t have a choice. We have to do the inspection again, but we can shave a few dollars off of this. The government does the dangdest things. It’s just ridiculous how much these look alike. At least now your registration and inspection will be the same month. That’s an advantage.”

I’m still not clear on how this is an advantage, but I am grateful to Jerry for being kind and I’m more confident than ever about my radiator, power steering, and brake fluids.

“Anybody could have done it” and “it really is confusing” are such Christian things to say. Jerry made me think about other gracious comments we can use when confronted with stupid behavior. Some of these suggestions are pretty specific:

“I think I have a coupon for tattoo removal.”

“I can hardly see the stain.”

“It’s going to grow back.”

“You were too cute for him.”

“You didn’t like working there anyway. You said a monkey could do that job.”

“I’ve read that the SAT is a terrible predictor of college success.”

“I wrecked my first car when I was 16, too.”

“Most men your age look funny in shorts.”

Some kind comments after stupid behavior would be helpful around the church:

“Not every sermon has to be thought-provoking.”

“The Bible says, ‘Make a joyful noise.’ You certainly did that.”

“It’s not like you’re the first person to fall asleep during a prayer.”

“Bless your heart.” (This one works particularly well when spoken by a Southern woman.)

Sometimes a mistake is an opportunity to speak sacred words:

“I know how you’re feeling. I’ve been there, too.”

“You made a mistake, but it’s not who you are.”

“No matter what, I will always be here for you.”

“All I want you to do is come home.”

Brett Younger is pastor of Broadway Baptist Church in Fort Worth and the author of Who Moved My Pulpit? A Hilarious Look at Ministerial Life, available from Smyth & Helwys (800) 747-3016. You can e-mail him at byounger@broadwaybc.org.