DOWN HOME: ‘Two-fer’ teaches Texans a lesson_61404

Posted: 6/11/04

DOWN HOME:
'Two-fer' teaches Texans a lesson

Sometimes, I think God must use reverse-psychology.

What other rationale could possibly explain dumping, say, the Gulf of Mexico onto North Texas in early June?

We all know folks love to complain about the weather. But a complete and utter inundation this time of year heads off gripes in two directions.

For example, some people (we'll exclude the ones whose homes and/or cars flooded, since they've got a good excuse) always gripe when the rains come. And nobody except people who lived in Washington State too long actually enjoys day upon day of clouds. So rain-gripers could be tempted to complain about receiving a boatload of rain in less than a week.

They'll gripe all right, until they look at a calendar and remember what follows June. In July and August, Texas gets drier than an hour-long tithing sermon. So, anybody with the spiritual sense of a centipede realizes complaining about rain any time, much less early summer, is foolish. And they'll repent.

On the other hand, some people (we'll exclude the dryland farmers and ranchers, since they've got a good excuse) always gripe when the rains don't come. And nobody except people who gleefully pile their tumbleweeds into Christmas trees actually enjoys relative humidity measured in the negative numbers. So, these folks will be tempted to complain in a month or so, when they've forgotten the name for white puffy things that float in the sky.

They'll gripe, too, until they remember early June. That was when their dogs started growing gills and their children sprouted webbing between their toes, when they dreamed of a horror movie called “Return of the Black Mold.” And they'll repent.

A phenomenon such as a Texas monsoon in June is known in theological circles as a “two-fer” (and, among the alliterative theologians, a “double divine deal”)–an act of God that serves multiple purposes.

Like when the air conditioning goes out at church in early August, the same day the pastor preaches on hell. All souls above the “age of accountability” receive an object lesson they'll never forget. And the little kids rejoice because the heat causes the preacher to tire quickly, letting them out of church a little early.

It also occurs when the power goes out during a business meeting debate over worship music. Fans of both organ-powered anthems and electric-guitar-driven praise choruses have to admit, at least, they're nowhere without a power source. As well as the Power Source.

And that brings us back to the weather. The Bible tells us God causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. God also brings showers and drought upon everybody. So, we move forward, thankful for the good times and leaning on God's mercy during the bad.