Cybercolumn by Jeanie Miley: Start with love_112204

Posted: 11/19/04

CYBERCOLUMN:
Start with love

By Jeanie Miley

“What do you think about her?” I asked my son-in-law about his baby daughter.

Before she was born, he said, repeatedly, “I just can’t wait for her to get here so I can see what she’s like.” Now that she’s been here for 10 weeks, I was curious about what he thought about her.

I thought he might take a minute to reflect on her finest qualities. He could have commented on her beautiful eyes and her unusual brilliance. I wondered if he would mention her crying spells and the sleepless nights, but his instantaneous response came from his heart, and not his head.

“I love her!” he said, without a moment’s hesitation.

I love it that this father’s first response was not an evaluation, a critique or a judgment of his baby daughter or even a thoughtful comment about her merits. Instead, from his heart, came the most important thing a parent can give a child, and that is love. This father delights in this child, and that is his most priceless and precious gift to her.

I have no doubt that there will be times when Madeleine’s father will be irritated and annoyed with her. There will be times when he will have to guide her and scold her. She will challenge him, and he will have to endure and negotiate those moments when they don’t agree, but the fact that his starting point with her is, “I love her,” will minimize those times. That her first experience of her father is the blessing of his delight in her is, for her, a profound boost to her spiritual and emotional immune systems.

I wonder what would happen if, in our churches, we all knew that God’s position with each of us starts with, “I love you.”

What would happen if we, in our family of faith, could start with the heart and approach each other from a position of love? I wonder how things would be different if we, within the community of church, started with love instead of being so concerned about evaluating each other’s cherished points of difference and disagreement. What would happen if we started with love instead of judgment of each other’s faults, failures and foibles?

God’s early guidance to the children of Israel was “Love the Lord your God with all your mind, heart and soul,” and in some mysterious way, when we love God first, we are loved by God. And, in the strangest way, relationships among human beings really do get all messed up when we forget that loving God is the most important thing we do.

When we forget to love God first, we get all mixed up about how we are to carry out our religion. We get legalistic, judgmental and condemning of others. When we lead from the head instead of the heart, we criticize and ostracize each other, looking for ways we are different instead of ways we are alike.

When religion leads from cold analysis instead of warm-hearted love, we set ourselves up for alienation, fragmentation, separation and conflict.

Now, I know that you can’t leave your head out of things. You can’t become soft-headed, and you can’t become so open-minded that your brains fall out, but in matters of the heart, it’s a dangerous thing to shut down the heart.

No less than Jesus, himself, said that love is the test of his disciples, and God identified himself for children of all ages when he said, “God is love.”

I wonder what would happen if love were our starting point?

Jeanie Miley is an author and columnist and a retreat and workshop leader. She is married to Martus Miley, pastor of River Oaks Baptist Church in Houston, and they have three adult daughters. Got feedback? Write her at Writer2530@aol.com.