hispanic_anger_82503

Posted: 8/22/03

Professor proposes proper purpose of anger

By George Henson

Staff Writer

KELLER–Despite what many people think, anger is not a sin, Nora Lozano told women attending a breakout session of the Celebrating the Hispanic Woman Conference.

Lozano, an assistant professor of theology and Bible at Hispanic Baptist Theological School, said her preparation for the seminar was hampered because “not much has been written about anger from a Christian perspective. It makes us uncomfortable.

“Either we have been frightened by an angry person or are uncomfortable with our own anger,” she said.

While anger in men is considered more acceptable to society, most people do not want to be around angry people, she said. “In society, angry people are not welcome. We don't have signs that say that, but we don't need them.”

Women who display anger generally are thought of as not feminine or as unattractive, she added. “Women are taught to underexpress their anger. We are told, 'Go in the corner and come out when you are done.' This is bad because many times it leads to depression.”

Anger, however, is not a bad thing in itself, Lozano maintained. “Anger is an emotion; it does not have a moral standing.

“The problem is not with the emotion but what we do with it that makes it good or bad,” she explained. “Anger is not a sin; it's what we do with it that can be sin.

“We were all created by God with this emotion, and all God made was good. If we say anger is wrong, then we are saying God made a mistake.”

Anger can be useful if employed correctly, she added. “Anger is a signal that something is happening that we are not comfortable with and should not be ignored.”

Using a definition of anger devised by psychologist and author Harriet Lerner, Lozano offered a catalog of things that might cause anger, including being hurt, having one's rights as a person violated, and not having needs and wants met.

Anger also could be a signal that too much of one's self–beliefs, values, desires or ambitions–are being compromised in a relationship, she added. Or anger may signal that someone is giving more than they are comfortable giving in a relationship.

“Anger is a signal to do something,” Lozano said. “Don't ignore it.”

Properly handled, anger can improve situations, she continued. “All the great social movements we have had are because someone got angry and said, 'No more.'”

Anger also may signify caring, Lozano asserted. “If I am doing the work of getting angry, it is a sign that I care about the relationship and want to do something to improve it.”

Unresolved anger, on the other hand, leads to resentment and bitterness, she said.

“If anger in a marriage is ignored, it can lead to divorce. Or it can lead to Christian divorce, where we live in the same house but you stay on your side and I stay on mine and don't you even think about coming on my side,” she said.

Lozano counseled the women to examine their anger to find its root because the thing that brings it out may not be the real cause.

Safe places to express anger also should be found, she said. “Share it only with someone you trust, not on Wednesday night at church during testimony time.”