CYBERCOLUMN: Accountability_simpson_10603

Posted 10/9/03

CYBERCOLUMN:
Accountability

By Berry D. Simpson

I might as well admit it now: I joined Weight Watchers. I’ve got the starter kit, I’ve weighed in on their special scales, and I’ve attended two meetings in which I was the only male in the room.

I didn’t start off that way. At first what I did was what I always doI I decided to follow the Weight Watchers program without actually joining. I found lots of information on the Internet. I found several lists of foods and their points, and I found lots of tips about how to count points and watch what I do and how to convince myself to stick to my goals, and all that.

Berry D. Simpson

I also found a program to help track daily points, log my food journal, track my daily weight, calculate my body mass index and target weights, and all that cool stuff.

I was committed and ready to go. I told myself the reason I only pretended to do Weight Watchers was to save money, being the tightwad that I am. Why pay weekly fees when I can do all the work myself? But one day I realized it wasn’t the cost I was afraid of. It was the accountability.

I wasn’t really committed to the program or the results as long as I was the only one who knew what I was doing, and that has been my pattern throughout my life. In most circumstances, I am content to sit in the back of the room keeping my own score sheet and working my own goals and keeping quiet about what I am doing. I like to say that I don’t need the approval of other people and that I am self-contained and need only me. I don’t need to jump to the front of the room and make a big deal out of anything. I also tell myself I behave this way so as not to draw attention to myself or cause trouble for other people. I treat it like a virtue.

However, I realized that I often used this false humility as protection from making real commitments. Staying in the background sounded noble, but it was actually my flight from accountability.

In regard to this Weight Watchers program, I knew as long as I kept my own records and did my own reading and kept my own points, I could feel successful whether or not I actually succeeded. And since no one else would know the real story, they couldn’t check up on me or think I was failing or think I was undisciplined.

When I joined Weight Watchers officially, paid my money and decided to go to the meetings, well, it was a big deal. Now other people who are not my wife know how much I weigh and whether I have lost pounds since last week or gained since last week. For a back-row sitter like me, that is a wobbly way to live.

I must also say it is scary to go to a weight-loss meeting and be the only man in the room. Being in an official weight-loss program already seems borderline unmanly, and the meeting only adds to the discomfort. However, I am now committed, so I will be brave. Last week, I even sat in the middle of the room rather than on the back row.

I will admit to one big strategic error. I joined Weight Watchers on a Saturday, one day before we left on a seven-day cruise, and if you know anything about cruises, eating is a big part. There is food available all day every day in many varieties and unlimited volume. I was happy to come back from the cruise having gained only four pounds, but it would have been 40 pounds if I hadn’t run every morning for an hour and climbed the stairs from deck two (where we slept) to deck nine (where all the action took place) several times each day.

It would have made more sense to join Weight Watchers after we got home from the cruise, but I knew I had to make my move as soon as I had the courage worked up and shouldn’t wait until later when my intentions might cool.

A couple of days ago, Cyndi and I were discussing a friend who used to weigh more than I do now, who has since transformed himself into a very fast highly-disciplined marathon runner, and who is somewhat good looking in that flat-bellied way some women find attractive, and I realized how far I have to go to be the man of my dreams. I think there will be even more accountability in my future.

Berry Simpson, a Sunday School teacher at First Baptist Church in Midland, is a petroleum engineer, writer, runner and member of the city council in Midland.